A dejected Malavika Sangghvi writes to the great dreamer Shobhan Sarkar

Dear Sri Exalted Great Swami Guruji Shobhan Sarkar of the very interesting beard,
A dream in which a 19th century king tells you 1,000 tonnes of gold are buried near a 180-year-old Shiva temple? And another 2,500 tonnes are hidden along the Ganga? Seriously? Shri Inflated Guruji, what have you been smoking lately?

Most Precious One, given your nocturnal metallurgical preoccupations, I know you do not get the time to read, but if you did I am sure you would have come across the great literary Sant Mahant Charles Dickens, who had once said, ‘Gold conjures up a mist about a man, more destructive of all his old senses and lulling to his feelings than the fumes of charcoal.’ (Nicholas Nickleby).

O Lotus Footed One, I am not saying your senses have been dulled at all. It’s just that after many arduous hours of digging on the part of sweaty and embarrassed ASI personnel, you must have noticed sir, that er ... nothing’s been found?

O most Divine Presence, before calling for the Army, NATO, the UN, the Indian Parliament and other forces to find this hidden treasure, perhaps you should consider the words of Mata Anna Akhmatova who once penned the verse: ‘Wild honey smells of freedom /The dust — of sunlight /The mouth of a young girl, like a violet/But gold — smells of nothing.’

Because O Sage of the Ages, even you must realise that however much gold is valued for its market price, most great and good people over the ages have shown scant regard for it. ‘What glitters may not be gold; and even wolves may smile; and fools will be led by promises to their deaths,’ said our great Guruji Lauren Oliver in his Delirium Stories (Google it).

You can see he wasn’t much of a fan of the metal. So what gives, sir? What’s all this about paying off our national debt and giving simple village folk the impression that every home can get a colour TV and a water cooler once we find your dreamt of treasure?

(And funny thing sir, how come you have such cool dreams? In mine, every thing comes out disjointed and fragmentary. Should I be eating more Chavanprash?) 

Anyway, the point I’m making Top Seer, is that gold’s always been pretty devalued as far as writers, poets and other men of letters are concerned: Sri Neal Stephenson wrote in Cryptonomicon, ‘Gold is the corpse of value...’ and Mant Jarod Kintz said,  ‘The road to hell isn’t paved with gold, it’s paved with faith.’ (This book is not for sale).

Sweet and Deluded Sirji, who am I to give you gyaan? But perhaps what the nation needs is not gold but other equally great values like honesty, compassion, ethics, integrity, hard work secularism and unity?

You think you can dream about those sometime too? Because if you don’t, I fear that the words of another great Seer Sage who lived many many years ago, the one and only Maharishi Maha Swami William Shakespeare (BTW he too had an interesting beard) could be used to dismiss you, namely: ‘All that glisters is not gold/Often have you heard that told/Many a man his life hath sold/But my outside to behold/Gilded tombs do worms enfold/Had you been as wise as bold/Young in limbs, in judgment old/Your answer had not been inscroll’d/ Fare you well, your suit is cold.’ (Act II — Scene VII – Merchant of Venice).

‘Nuff Said. Hope your suit is not cold,  so sweet dreams tonight, Sir.

BBM me tomorrow ya?

Yours sincerely etc

I am not saying your senses have been dulled at all. It’s just that after arduous hours of digging on the part of embarrassed ASI personnel, you must have noticed that er ... nothing’s been found?

Malavika Sangghvi
The writer believes in the art of letter writing.