Relationship Queries

My son is in fourth standard. I am very stressed out as I am receiving lot many complains from school that he is a very hyperactive child. Teachers feel that is unable to concentrate for long and is not doing well in studies. He hits other children very often, and I have to deal with those complaints too. What is wrong with my child? Please help.
— Namita

It looks like there is a possibility of your child having Attention Deficit Hyper-Activity disorder. Attention Deficit and  Hyperactivity Disorder, also known as ADHD, is a condition that becomes apparent in some children in the early school years. Children with ADHD generally have problems paying attention or concentrating.

They get easily bored or frustrated with tasks. Frequently calling out in class (without raising their hand, yelling out answer before the question is finished) are common symptoms with ADHD. I suggest that you get a complete comprehensive evaluation by a mental health professional. Medication is sometimes necessary for an ADHD child but strictly under medical supervision. Avoid shouting or spanking. Use positive reinforcement instead.

Children with ADHD usually respond well to positive reinforcement. Offer praise when your child stays seated, doesn’t call out, or waits his or her turn, instead of criticising when he or she doesn’t. Reduce or eliminate possible distractions. Don’t expect the child with ADHD to study well in a room filled with toys. Give the child a quiet place for studying. Try to remain patient and in control — even when your child is out of control. If you speak quietly and calmly, your child is more likely to calm down.

My child is always stuck by my side and doesn’t like it if I go anywhere with my husband. How do I deal with such a situation?
— Mrs Veenu
I understand your concern. There is a strong possibility that your child has a Separation Anxiety problem. Separation anxiety means he has separation worries that are much greater than his peer group. These worries can overwhelm a child, even when they involve brief separations, such as leaving to go to school, going to sleep, or staying at home when a parent has to go out. The child’s mind may be occupied with irrational fears, such as the fear that the parent may not come back, leaving them alone.

They may protest against leaving a parent’s side, refuse to play with friends, or complain about physical illness at the time of separating. Initially, to start with ‘move away’ from your child in a comfortable setting, (such as at home or in the home of a familiar relative), for brief periods of time and then make a point of telling your child that she or he did a ‘great job’ of spending time on his or her own.

Take your child to a familiar park and once he/she’s involved in an activity move a short distance away, sit on a bench. Every once in a while, touch base with him by waving or making a comment, ‘Wow! You’re really doing good.’ Consistently give your child love and support and he’ll build the confidence he needs to strike out on his own. Encourage him anytime he tries something on his own, but don’t push him away when she runs back to you for reassurance.

He’ll want and need this for a long time to come. In one way, it’s a good sign when children are so attached to parents that they are unhappy when parents leave them, even for short periods of time.
It shows that there is a strong bond between parent and child. That bond is necessary for the child to grow into a confident, independent person. At any time, when you, as a parent, feel that there is a significant concern about your child’s emotional or mental health, a routine check-up with a psychologist is an option.