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| Edited By: Avril-Ann Braganza |Source: DNA |Updated: Jan 07, 2018, 08:16 AM IST
Stuck in #MumbaiRains Lower Parel? You are welcome to stay at my house till the flood water recedes.Social media saw several posts such as this when countless Mumbaikars went out of their way to help strangers stranded in the Mumbai floods last year in August and September. They expected nothing in return, and did what they could, simply prompted by an instinctive value called kindness.
In 2013, college friends Chandni Sawlani and Sonia Parekh decided to make kindness their cause and started The Goodwill Tribe, which does its bit to spread love, kindness, and happiness in the world. The Dubai-based duo conducted an experiment; at a stall in a flea market, Sawlani and Parekh took little things they owned that were in good condition, tied each object with a ribbon, added a note, and then handed them out as gifts to strangers at the flea market. All in the name of kindness! From larger initiatives such as ‘Random Acts of Kindness’, ‘Pay it Forward’ and ‘Kindness Boomerang’ to daily instances of helping people, “being kind is innate. It’s wired in our DNA,” says former R&D scientist Dr David Hamilton, author of The Five Side Effects of Kindness and Why Kindness is Good for You.
Kindness has often been associated with weakness — an act of submission, or an effort to pacify a combustible situation. A kind person is often, and mistakenly, thought of as one who is easy to manipulate. All this has led people to comprehend the virtue more as a weakness...but the good news, Dr Hamilton believes that this changing now. “People are learning that true strength is in showing compassion and kindness. This is becoming more widely known, especially in business. Many people want to know about these traits because being a leader isn’t about how many people you boss about, but about being respected so much that people want to work with you.”
The key to good health
So what exactly is kindness? The Oxford Dictionary defines it as ‘the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate’. It is believed that being kind has several health benefits; it produces serotonin and dopamine, which are associated with positive emotions and happiness, says Dr Hamilton. He adds that kindness has also been shown to have a ‘protective’ effect towards depression. People who do regular volunteer work are less likely to be depressed than people who don’t. But here’s a disclaimer: Assistant Professor of Psychology at Bengaluru’s National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS), Dr Jyotsna Agrawal, says that kindness on its own cannot be used as treatment for depression. “It may become a burden as the person may feel compelled to be kind, and failure to do so may result in the person feeling more depressed and being critical of him/herself. Kindness, along with other positive activities, can be used for prevention of depression as well as therapy for mild depression.”
On the biological level, Dr Hamilton explains that being kind produces oxytocin in the brain, which acts directly on the fear and anxiety centres of the brain, making people feel warmer and happier. “It plays a role in just about every important system in the body, from emotional wellbeing in the brain, to cardiovascular health (oxytocin dilates arteries to reduce blood pressure, cleans the blood, and improves blood flow to the heart), digestion (it plays a very important role in ‘gastric motility), growth (babies and young children grow very slowly when they don’t have enough oxytocin, and oxytocin can only come through love, affection, play, and kindness), ageing in skin (oxytocin plays a key role in reducing ‘oxidative stress’ (wrinkling), and in relaxing the nervous system (to allow growth, repair and regeneration, and reducing inflammation)”. Kindness and compassion make people feel happier and because they feel happier, they have a more positive outlook towards life, which results in better physical and mental health and increases creativity.
Being helpful and kind “distances you from your concerns and stress. It helps you learn about other people. You also begin to see yourself differently,” says Dr Agrawal. “If you help the marginalised, you start appreciating all the blessings in your life and may learn gratitude and humility,” she adds. On the social level, kindness improves relationships.
So how and why did the balance tilt towards unkindness? Why then do we hear stories of cruelty, unpleasantness, hatred and maliciousness? “We learn to be unkind because others are unkind, not because being unkind is our natural state,” Dr Hamilton tells us. Another reason is that “society focuses on concrete goals and does not look at these nuances that are important for a person’s wellbeing. At times, the fear that others may take advantage of them may stop people from doing good,”says Dr Agrawal. However, we need to differentiate between the action and intention. People may engage in unkind behaviour, but they may not intend to do so. “Cynism creeps in, when someone who seems to be helpful may not really be helpful, which leads people to start questioning such actions and wonder if anyone can help another without self-interest,” she adds.
Dr Agrawal goes on to elaborate how the form of kindness has changed. In a close-knit community (a small village or town where everyone knows each other), kindness is seen in a different form, as opposed to cities where people may rarely interact with their neighbours and there’s more isolation. What may be kind in a close-knit community may appear as intrusion of private space in a city. Cities may have a more structured manner of exercising this virtue: helping out at shelter homes, orphanages, or volunteering your time and money.
Every religion propagates kindness. There are around 200 verses about compassionate living mentioned in the Quran. Islam upholds good conduct towards fellow human beings and places it as, an important qualification.The truly good are those who believe in God and the Last Day, in the angels, the Scripture, and the prophets; who give away some of their wealth, however much they cherish it, to their relatives, to orphans, the needy, travellers and beggars and to liberate those in debt and bondage; those who keep up the prayers and pay the prescribed alms; who keep pledges whenever they make them; who are steadfast in misfortune, adversity and times of danger. These are the ones who are true, and it is they who are aware of God. (Al Quran 2:178).
The motto of Jainism, Ahimsa Paramo Dharmah, means, ‘compassion is the supreme duty of an individual.’ Jainism further propagates Parasparopagrah jivananam, which means ‘Live and help others to live.’ These two mottos of Jainism summarise the concept of kindness and compassion, while Jainism’s cardinal principles Ahimsa, Anekantawad and Aparigrah teach compassion towards all living beings, kindness towards opinions of others, and living in harmony with nature.
In Christianity too there are several proverbs on kindness. Jesus Christ himself emphasised that we must be kind to everyone, not just our family and friends (Luke 6:31-34). Kindness is also one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit in Christianity. St Paul, in all his letters to the early Christians, mentions how we should be kind and tolerant. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. (Galatians 5:22-23)
Zoroastrians live by the motto: “Good thoughts, good words, good deeds.” And His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama writes that compassionate human affection is really important: the more compassionate our mind is, the better our brain functions. Therefore, compassion and affection help the brain to function more smoothly. Secondly, compassion gives us inner strength and self-confidence, which reduces fear, and in turn, keeps our mind calm. Therefore, compassion has two functions: it causes our brain to function better and it brings inner strength. These, then, are the causes of happiness.
Believed to be the most contagious human behavior, research shows that kindness causes a ‘ripple effect’ to ‘three degrees of separation’. Dr Hamilton explains, “when you show kindness, that person is more likely to be kind to another person afterwards (1 degree), and that person receiving kindness will likely be kind to someone else (2 degrees), and that recipient of kindness will likely be helpful to someone else (3 degrees). Touché.
