On June 26, the US Supreme Court passed a landmark judgement legalising same-sex marriage in all the states of the country. Four gay couples in India talk about the significance of this ruling and share their stories.
Apekshit Khare and Manoj Dimro, 29
For Apekshit Khare, who hailed from a small town called Narsinhgadh, the word ‘gay’ had only meant jolly and cheerful. At 16, when his family moved to Bhopal, Khare says he ‘widened the horizons’ for himself. It took a good 3 years for him to realise that the ‘man crushes’ he had had since adolescence, were real and not something ‘that will pass’. On being asked whether or not the preference was a phase, Apekshit said, “I don’t know how it feels on the other side. For me, I was always sure about my sexual orientation. I love Sushmita Sen, I admire her, but I cannot have any desire for her sexually.”
Khare is optimistic about the way India is becoming more vocal about the LGBT rights, and thinks the US decision will push India to come forward. But he is also aware of how slow the process can be. “Mumbai is still in a very good place (when it comes to the LGBT), but there are thousands of places around the country that treat this as a disease. People do it inadvertently, they don’t realise that they are stereotyping us. Like the sardaars and the blondes, the gays are becoming a laughing stock. But things get better, the verdict really doesn’t have any effect on the community, those in love, stay in love” said Khare.
The couple has been together for 5 and half years and are hopeful of getting married. Khare calls his partner 'an ocean'. "He takes in everything, anger, frustration, negativity. Whenever I’m upset, he has this calming effect on me. That’s the best part about my guy.”
Charles Williams, 32
“We are not sex hounds! We want a stable and healthy married life just like the rest of you," said Williams, an activist. Williams is a member of ‘Gay Bombay’, a group that was formed 15 years ago by 20 young people. “We wanted to tell people that they are not alone in this, that it will be fine. We just wanted their battle to be a little easier. So we started organising workshops, health camps, counselling sessions, etc.” said Williams, who has been in a committed relationship with his partner for the last 5 years.
Williams feels that both the UPA and NDA governments have let them down by making false promises. “If they wanted to, they could have done this a long time ago. Do people realise how dangerous this is? Safe sex becomes difficult. Life for us won’t change much, but it will for people who are still figuring things out. The 2009 Delhi High Court verdict and its reversal in 2013 has put a lot of potentially gay people in an awkward situation. That comfort zone has gone,” said Williams.
A lot of people have been blackmailed due to the unnecessary attention given to the sexual orientation. The fear of the family finding out has given rise to these blackmailers. 'Give money or we will tell your parents' is the most common threat that the community receives. Williams shares the experience of his friend. "His parents stopped talking to him after his revealed the truth. People suggested that he go to a prostitute and get rid of the ‘disease’. This is a regular guy who just happens to be gay. Does any humane person do this to someone so close to them? He is undergoing counselling now. You won’t believe this, but even counsellors suggest prostitution as a way of getting out of this ‘phase’. This is what will keep happening if we don’t make this legal, if we don’t become humans for once” said Williams.
For the couple, things will remain the same regardless of the laws in the country. “We fight a lot but I know this in my heart, that my entire life now looks beautiful only because of him” said Williams.
Udayan Dhar and Ratnesh Malviya, 28
Social media played cupid for this couple, who met each other after completing their engineering course. “We would meet over the weekends at Bangalore and then we both decided to shift to Mumbai”. Udayan, whose family has been very supportive of his decision, feels that the family’s support made a lot of things easier for him. “Personally I did not face any problems due to my sexual preference. People in love can’t really be separated by the laws. I think there is not much difference between the present government and the past one. It all depends on you, you just have to stay positive and believe in each other” said Udayan.
On being asked about his favourite memory, Udayan said “We enjoy our holidays together. This year we went exploring the ruins of Angkor and last year we went to the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka”
Udayan Dhar and Ratnesh Malviya
Anand Makhija, 32
Anand hass been with his partner for 12 years and doesn’t have hopes from this or any other government. “I think they have other stuff to deal with. This might not be as important” said Anand, who got attracted to his partner for his ability to make anyone comfortable. Though Anand doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage, he is certain that the latest judgment was anything but wise. “People don’t go back into the closet, they have to realise that. People get harassed on dates. Men go on dates with other men and get blackmailed," he said. Anand feels he had it easy since his partner's parents were cool with them being together.
On being asked about the best moment shared with the partner he said, “When we got our first dog together.”
For more stories like these, visit iamin.in.
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
)
)
)
)
)
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}
){kind=small}