Dear Lisa Haydon, if you believe in gender equality then you are a feminist

Like the term ‘urban poor’, the social media bubble of upwardly mobile citizens suddenly seem to have a huge problem with the term ‘feminism’. The very term evokes outrage among people who seem to think the term is synonymous with hating men, families and babies. In our collective heads, feminism equals misandry, hatred for the family structure, hatred for reproduction, for men, for bras and for sex.

The latest to jump on the I-am-not-a-feminist bandwagon is Lisa Haydon, who is ironically a feminist icon for her single-mother role in Queen. She said in an interview: “I don't like the word feminist. I don't think women trying to be men is feminism. I also don't believe in being outspoken for the sake of it, or just to prove a point. Feminism is just an overused term and people make too much noise about it for no reason. Women have been given these bodies to produce children, and the spirit and tenderness to take care of people around us. It's fine to be an outspoken and working woman. I don't want to be a man. One day I look forward to making dinner for my husband and children. I don't want to be a career feminist.”

She’s not the only one. Major Bollywood actresses from Madhuri Dixit to Katrina Kaif to Vidya Balan have been aghast at being linked with the f-word despite the fact that most of them enjoy success because of people who fought for feminism. If there was no feminism, then we’d still be living in a society where women are treated little better than chattel or where her consent has no meaning.

What Haydon and those of her ilk completely miss is the fact that feminism doesn’t mean not having a husband. Or not taking care of your kids. Feminism isn’t about tearing down the family structure or being mean to people around you. Simply put, feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities.

9th February 1913: A banner advertising a talk on the Women's Suffrage Movement by Jane Addams and others at Carnegie Hall in New York. (Getty Images)

It’s because of feminism that women can vote and have a career. If it wasn’t for feminism, we’d be living in a world where a woman or a child was burned on the pyre with her dead husband. If it wasn’t for feminism, then we’d still be living in a world where women aren’t allowed to go to school. Or step out of their homes without an escort. Or be not allowed to dress in a certain way. The truth is that we are far, far away from an equal world.

And the world is far from equal. In our own nation, which we take pride in calling it Bharat Mata, marital rape is still not a recognised crime, making marriage little better than a right to rape violence. There are girls who are never born because of sex-selective abortion and a girl is likelier to get less nutrition than her male family members. She is also less likely to go to school and more likely to be the one who is expected to do most of the household work.

Machinists working for Ford Motors attending a Women's Conference on equal rights in industry at Friends House in Euston, 28th June 1968. (Getty Images) 

If somehow she does manage to avoid all these hurdles, and get an education and a job, she will still constantly be judged for her sexual choices and spend her life being harassed for having a vagina. She could be raped on the streets or by a family member, and then spend her life fighting for justice where the very system demonises her.

In an essay in 1990, India’s only Nobel-winning economist had hypothesised that over a hundred million are ‘missing’ in Asia, eliminated through either sex-selective abortion, infanticide or inadequate nutrition. 

As Shemeer Padinzjharedil, who runs Maps4aid.com a website which documents crime against women put it: “It’s a miracle a woman survives in India. Even before she is born, she is at risk of being aborted due to our obsession for sons. As a child, she faces abuse, rape and early marriage and even when she marries, she is killed for dowry. If she survives all of this, as a widow she is discriminated against and given no rights over inheritance or property.”

Or as comedian Radhika Vaz eloquently put it: “The next bitch who says she isn't a feminist needs to pay dowry and then perform sati. And be married off at age 11. And no school for you.”

The next bitch who says she isn't a feminist needs to pay dowry and then perform sati. And be married off at age 11. And no school for you.

— radhika vaz (@radvaz) May 24, 2016

True equality, irrespective of gender, is still far away in the future and we will never reach that phase if famous women keep on vilifying feminism.

Raja Ram Mohan Roy's statue in London (Getty Images) 

So every time a famous actress comes out and says she’s not a feminist, they are not only mocking the millions who have fought so they can enjoy a modicum of equality, but also hurting a million more who are still living under oppression.

And by saying that they believe in equality but not feminism, they are simply misrepresenting the term.

As comedian Aziz Ansari put it: “If you look up feminism in the dictionary, it just means that men and women have equal rights. And I feel like everyone here believes men and women have equal rights. But I think the reason people don’t clap is that word is so weirdly used in our culture. Now, people think feminist means ‘some woman is gonna start yelling at them,'” he said.

“So, I feel like if you do believe that, if you believe that men and women have equal rights, if someone asks if you’re feminist, you have to say yes because that is how words work,” he says, joking, “You can’t be like, ‘Oh yeah I’m a doctor that primarily does diseases of the skin.’ Oh, so you’re a dermatologist? ‘Oh no, that’s way too aggressive of a word! No no not at all not at all.”