Customer is king? The reaction to fungus in my mint chutney suggests that's a blatant lie

How many times a day do you hear this cliché - the customer is  king? And how earnestly do you believe it? I don't. On a daily basis, I come across examples when I am reminded, that it's the company that takes your money who is the king! 

Last night, I ordered some food from Kadhai House in Lower Parel, Mumbai via the food delivery app Swiggy. Surprise number one - one of the food containers was packed with Swiggy's competitor's sticky tape. Never mind, not my problem. Surprise number two - as soon as I open the small chutney container, a bad odour hits my nose and I can see white fungus on top of the green pudina chutney. The odour is so bad, I feel like puking. 

My colleague calls the toll-free number on the container, given Kadhai House is a big chain and looks like a restaurant which cares for its customers. 

Turns out the guy at the other end of the 'help' line provides the number of the restaurant from where the food has been delivered. He can't listen to our complaint.

Cool. The colleague calls the restaurant. Asks if they see what they are packing? The guy on the other side wants to know the name of the caller. How does it matter? Obviously, there is an irate customer this side. Dude, just answer the question…

Mint chutney from Kadhai House with 'cream 

No. He can't till he asks the chef. We wait as the chef comes on line. His reply floors us: "It's not fungus, it's curd or cream."  Curd, yes, they add curd in mint chutney in some places. Cream? That sound downright bizarre. 

My colleague​ tells the 'chef' he understands the difference between curd and fungus and asks for his number to send him proof! Swiggy, in the meantime, have gotten back to us, saying they cannot take the food back to the restaurant to show them how bad it is. Pictures received, the Kadhai House guy admits it's fungus. He blames a malfunctioning refrigator but insists there is nothing​ wrong with chicken tikka and paneer tikka that we ordered.

My colleague just lost it. "Don't you marinate tikkas and keep them in the fridge? The same damn fridge where your chutney went bad? Won't it spoil the rest of the food?” he fumes. 

There are apologies on the other side. "We will send you a replacement, sir," is the tame response. Oh, you mean more of the same fungus-ridden food? 

I recall Gordon Ramsay's epic reality show 'Kitchen Nightmares'. This is straight out of the show - refrigerator malfunctioning, food going bad in there and no one cares how many people would’ve eaten the fungus chutney.

And it’s not like it’s a one-time experience.

Earlier in the day, I have had my head banged against Amazon delivery.  I have ordered a phone cover which was supposed to delivered the next day. As I track the package, I realise they have sent it to wrong courier facility. 

Not again. This is the fourth time they have bungled up the delivery and peculiarly, it's every time I want something delivered at the office. I get on to chat. Standard apologies issued. The exact same ones that were issued to me last time when I had raised hell and had sent six emails detailing at every stage how promises were broken by Amazon. 

I ask the customer care executive - did you identify what went wrong on earlier three occasions when the package went to wrong courier facility? Because if they did, it wouldn't happen the fourth time. 

"Sorry sir, we understand your frustration, but it won't happen again. This is my word," the executive tells me. Haha. Exactly what I've heard three times before. 

When it happened the third time, Amazon had offered me a Rs 200 gift voucher which I have not encashed as a matter of principle. I need my delivery on time. Not a stupid compensation voucher. Or some of your bad food.

Which reminds me a similar incident. A Jain colleague had ordered sabudana khichadi as she was fasting. She got a cockroach in her khichadi. She complained on Facebook. Guess what happens? The food joint offered her food vouchers worth Rs 35000. Really! She will order from a place that served her cockroach in her fasting food.

So, you may think complaining on social media works? I read an article about how HDFC Bank is now levying surreptitious charges for the so-called virtual relationship manager. I realised I could be one of those customers who doesn't know he is being serviced by a virtual relationship manager, whose services are non-existential but chargeable.

So, I go and check my emails. Aha. Yes, I am part of their virtual relationship manager program. As I am fed up with HDFC Bank generally, I decide to end the virtual relationship, given that managing one via net and mobile banking is troublesome enough. 

Voila. The option to opt out of the services doesn't exist. Undeterred, I decide to email an acquaintance who works in their Corporate Communications department. The email gets an auto reply - "I am on leave till March 5. In case of an emergency, please get in touch with my colleagues ABC and XYZ."

I don't know ABC and XYZ and decide to tweet to their handle, @HDFCBank_cares. The Twitter page tells me I must wait six to eight working hours for a response. Fair enough.

The next day, I get a notification that ABC has requested to follow me. I assume ABC has seen my tweet and wants to DM me. I accept the invitation. Two weeks later, I am still waiting and HDFC bank is still managing my relationship with them 'virtually', even as they make me wait to cancel a service I never wanted. 

So next time, whoever tells you the customer is king, ask him/her to prove it.  A small victory here and there in a state level consumer redressal forum, which is instantly appealed at the national tribunal, doesn't prove anything. At best, it's more like exception the instead of the norm. The truth is that you, the customer are a fool. I have countless such tales. What about you?