Review: Hammering your toes would be more entertaining than 'Rascals'

Film: Rascals
Director: David Dhawan
Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Ajay Devgn, Kangna Ranaut
Rating: *

'Mujhe...' The heroine with sand-between-teeth voice shrieks.

'Mujhe, kyaaaaaa?' chorus the con duo suitors, one bad guy, and the loud priest, all shouting so much you can see the vocal chords on their necks strain.

'Raatbhar...' she screams again.

'Raatbhar kya?' They scream.

'Bed par...' she shouts.

'Bed par kyaaaaa?' They shout back.

'Failaa kar rakhha thaa.' She is incoherently loud now.

But her dialogue is drowned out by Tom and Jerry sounds, cymbals and other gong-like devices that help raise the decibel level in the movie. Perhaps director David Dhavan is trying to keep the audience glued to their seats by stunning them into deafness. Why bother to get into a story like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels where someone would have to make an effort to write a story and then direct it? Who dare direct superstars who think making faces at the camera is comedy?

Sanjay Dutt and Ajay Devgn are two conmen indulging in one-upmanship in their pursuit of a briefcase full of cash that is many karod dollars (only someone with really poor math skills can believe that many karod dollars will fit in that one briefcase). Even if they were 100 dollar bills, the weight of the briefcase would be a little over 13 kilos. Not exactly something people can toss around and catch and run while dodging bad guys.

Wait a minute, isn't that a scene from Apna Sapna Money Money? Double Dhamaal? Shortcut - The Con Is On? Why worry? The audience is full of comatose grown ups and 17 (or was is 10?) year olds who there to see Lisa Haydon singing, 'Shake It Saiyyan', probably the only watchable thing in the movie.

Ajay Devgn, who is the Bhagat part of 'Chetan Bhagat' duo (could there be anything less funny, you wonder, and find it every ten minutes in this overly long movie) pushes the other conman into shallower levels of comedy by falling for a rich girl (yes, the shrieky Kangna Ranaut). Sanjay Dutt falls for her as well, and we are subjected to 'Bhabiji ne aaj jyaada kapde pehne hain' kind of dialogue, while both the 'Rascals' ogle at her various body parts, just as the camera does. If that doesn't put you off, there's Satish Kaushik and his puke-inducing brand of acting.

Surely smashing your toes by a hammer would be more entertaining. Invest in that hammer instead of buying a movie ticket. And please sign an online petition that will prevent David Dhawan from remaking Chupke Chupke.