Review: 'Department' is a perfect recipe for headaches

“I used five matchbox-sized digital cameras to shoot Department… I didn’t know which camera is capturing what…,” said Ram Gopal Varma in an interview, adding that he’d figure it out on the editing table. We wished to figure out a lot more sitting through this extreme pain and abuse-inducing film on the senses. We should have known what we were signing up for.

 

The best acting chops are displayed actors’ crotches, coffee mugs, newspapers, spectacles, carom board and striker, dumbbells, earrings, wigs, moustaches, ash trays, tables, the list goes on. RGV’s favourite topic, the politician-police nexus forms the crux of Department.

 

We hold in high stead the values of social service and since self-discipline is highly regarded in a police Department, we thought we’d draw up some rules to walk by to help you fully indulge in the “creative” rot that RGV unleashes on screen.

 

Rule#1
Leave your spouse/partner/pet/child/neighbour at home
No loved one should be subjected to close-ups of crotches, hairy chests and derrieres of protagonists, all offensively filmed. This has to be repulsion of the highest order.

 

Rule#2
Start believing in the power of anybody-can-make-a-film
C’mon who doesn’t have a digicam these days? Department had no script (from the vertigo-inducing look of it), just those five digicams, a Bachchan, a Dutt, a Daggubati and some guns. Obviously, no Bachchan or Dutt will agree to act in your film, but, remember, Department gives you the power to think you can do it. Desi femme fatale Naseer (Madhu Shalini) and her on-screen partner ‘Babayy’ DK (Abhimanyu Singh) are reminders of what bad actors can do in the hands of a bad director.
(This reviewer has started to believe Bachchan, Dutt and Daggubati were made to act in Department at gun point).

 

Rule#3
Borrow some sense of humour
How else would you get dialogue like ‘Main illegal kaam legally karta hoon aur legal kaam illegally’? Didn’t get it? Don’t worry. Even Dagubatti didn’t. I swear he admitted that on screen. Only the ability to laugh can help you get over the psychological effects of Department. To duck the physical ones, namely knee ache, headache and body pain, stay at home.

 

Rule#4
Be ready for destruction of faith in item numbers (if there was any)
Just when you thought they couldn’t get more crass, there’s someone called Nathalia cavorting in a bar full of drunk lascivious men, lip-syncing Dan Dan Cheeni. There’s another one featuring item bomb (?) Ganesh Acharya (wasn’t he a choreographer?)
(Dear Grim Reaper, it’s time Hindi films were saved from the wrath of item numbers. Are you listening?)

 

Rule#5
Follow none of the above
Save yourself the bother of wallowing in self-pity and hate. Stay at home. Teach your kids the joys of staring at the ceiling.