Review: 'Battleship'

Film: Battleship
Director: Peter Berg
Cast: Alexander Skarsgård, Taylor Kitsch, Liam Neeson, Rihanna
Rating: **

This film’s claim to fame is the board game it is based on and singer Rihanna’s acting debut. Any semblance to hope is diminished only minutes into this disaster combat film.

A bunch of scientists have undertaken something they call The Beacon Project. They set up transmission devices to establish possible contact with creatures (if any) living on other planets (Planet G here). To their horror, there is life on Planet G and have now descended on earth to cause destruction (Yawn).

Navies from over the world have converged on the coast of Hawaii for a war games showcase. Part of the Navy is hotheaded, free-spirit Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch) and diametrically opposite, responsible brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgård). There’s also Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson, more handsome than any of those younger boys).

It obviously falls upon the navy fleet to stop what these “aliens” will do after their spaceships are spotted mid-sea, transforming, throwing their weight around (literally), hurling obscure artillery, and the works. Here’s when the film starts to get on your nerves.

The naval mayhem is well-shot, but the stupidity of it all is inescapable. Mind you, destructive equipment did not look so good before. But what’s the point? It’s boring all the same.

Add to this lines like “Let’s give the world another day”. To this, a scientist retorts with “Who talks like that?” And that’s the best bit about Battleship, the self-deprecating humour. Flashes of humour in the first half takes you through till the interval. It’s only downhill then.

Director Peter Berg (Hancock) takes pain and even succeeds partially to keep you at the edge of your seat. There’s a mammoth task at hand to hold that interest. Unfortunately, the aliens of boredom become permanent residents in your cinema hall.

The soundtrack of Battleship needs special mention, as it peps you up appropriately. You could shut your eyes and have more fun just listening to the background music (but the noise of the artillery is deafening).

Coming to Rihanna, frankly, there isn’t much to look forward to. As Raikes, she makes guns talk and that’s her USP. All the hype around her debut is unfounded to say the least and the performance is strictly okay. No dialogue could have helped in cutting down the disappointment. Taylor Kitsch is impressive, so is Alexander Skarsgård. But Liam Neeson steals the show and you wish he had more screen time. Brooklyn Decker doesn’t have much to do, but who minds a pretty face and a great body in the middle of all that action?

Even though this reviewer has never played Battleship the game, it can be safely said that it’ll be more enjoyable than Battleship, the movie. Anything will be more enjoyable than this humongous piece of metal gnawing at your patience.