Review: Nothing much can be said about illogical 'Red Dawn'

Film: Red Dawn
Director: Dan Bradley
Cast: Chris Hemsworth, Isabel Lucas, Josh Peck
Rating: *

“That’s not a plan, that’s a s-t sandwich without the bread,” declares a fierce army man of a foolhardy scheme devised by American high school students turned renegades with their hometown and country overrun by North Korea . He may as well have been referring to the screenplay of Red Dawn, a remake of the 1984 film with the same name where the villains were the USSR and Cuba.

This film should not be dignified with a synopsis, but one would not be wrong in saying it is an assemblage of clichés, and scenes where bullets rain down on the yellow man. At the heart of this “story” though is the bitter relationship between the slug-like Matt Eckert (former child star Peck) and his brother Jed (Hemsworth), an ex-marine. The latter (and a five minute training montage) equips what could be not more than 8 youths to take on the Koreans.

The dialogues don’t go much beyond the issuing of orders and awkward declarations of emotions. While the action is bland and non-immersive, one does not even see Michael Bayesque orchestrations of large-scale destruction. While the stupidity and implausibility of the plot could be channelled into laughs, the movie doesn’t even take the tongue-in-cheek route. Perhaps the only amusing thing was a scene involving Matt, who resembles Adam Sandler in Little Nicky, blowing up his erstwhile football-field rival, who conveniently turned into a Commie collaborator. Little do other parts come close to be as amusing.

There’s nothing much to be said about the illogical Red Dawn and the lesser said about the soap-opera-like family dynamic that runs through the wafer-thin plot, the hammy acting and the meaningless and dated ‘red scare’ political backdrop, the better. Like its warmongering antagonists, the film is irredeemable.

Even after the Cold War, one can be sure there has been no fall-out shelter constructed that can protect one from the sheer badness of this vapid film.