Review: 'Abduction', a thriller minus the thrills

Film: Abduction
Rating: *
Director: John Singleton
Cast: Taylor Lautner, Lily Collins, Michael Nyqvist, Maria Bello, Jason Isaacs, Alfred Molina

Abduction is a teenage thriller involving espionage, chases and, of course, love. All of the above revolves around young Nathan Harper (Lautner) who has rage issues, which we know because he has a shrink and has to grit his teeth every time he sees Karen (Collins) with her boyfriend. Of course, you almost think that the rage issues might stem from the fact that he has an abusive father. I mean the father spends much time beating the kid to pulp under the pretext of giving him boxing lessons. Or perhaps the rage issues happen because his mother doesn’t care that he is getting beaten up.

Just as you get used to the idea that this is a Desperate Housewives-meets-90210 kind of a film, Nathan discovers that he isn’t who he thinks he is. His parents (Bello and Isaacs) are in fact, hold your breath, CIA agents! Unable to tell good from bad, Nathan is forced to be on the run along with Karen, whose biggest concern is, “After that summer at the cabin in 8th grade, how come you didn’t ask me out?”  

A film like this needs good acting and good dialogue to hold its own. Now considering it’s a Lautner film, you know it could fail on one count. There is a lot of scope for action and mad car chases, but you end up waiting endlessly for anything remotely interesting to happen.

Lautner walks through the film with a single expression whether he is dodging bullets, snogging Karen or having an emotional moment as he discovers that his father’s boxing lessons were meant to help him beat the shit out of goons. Collins is a pretty face who has to look all grown up and supportive towards her troubled partner and well, she can’t act either. But her massive eyebrows and dark, blonde hair does give a déjà vu of a fully-clothed Brooke Shields in Blue Lagoon.

Nyqvist as the bad guy has barely anything to do beyond gritting his teeth and looking intense but he brings some much needed eye-candy to the screen (No, Lautner is not eye candy!) Of course, Lautner fans might have some element of fun staring at his bare midriff and his stiff face but trust me, even they would get bored of his mono-expressionistic face.

That said, if someone told me that Abduction was a comedy, it would have been a far more enjoyable ride. The biggest threat the villain can come up with is, hold your breath, “You will be responsible for the death of all your friends on Facebook,” and our protagonist is terrorised by the idea. *Facefrontseat*

Abduction is absolutely unentertaining, packed with cringe-worthy dialogue and some watered down performances (Alfred Molina! Why!). If this was meant to be a thriller, the thrill is long gone! Personally, I just wish I’d been abducted while I was on my way to watch this film.