Parent trap

As results continue to be declared in swift succession, Shraddha Jahagirdar-Saxena looks at nuances that stretch familial relationships at this testing time

There is a fine dividing line between motivating to excel and pressurising to perform. Ask any parent with school or college going children and you will find that almost every one has trod on this path with trepidation. As a parent whose child was awaiting her board and entrance examination results over the weekend, I continue to understand the dilemma that has risen from present-day competition.

What is it that drives a parent to expect a lot from his child? And, on the flip side of the coin, push a child beyond his limits, often making him fear the outcome as so many result-centric suicides or accidental deaths at the time have tragically shown? Are we as a society subconsciously living out our dreams through our kids? Are we setting unrealistic goals for minds that have not yet fully matured? Or are our kids, in an age of instant gratification, wanting the moon in a jiffy?

Paediatrician Dr Ajit Gajendragadkar feels it is all this and much more. “All of us want our children to do better than we did,” he says. “In the age of swiftly multiplying incomes, we would like them to get the cutting edge in life. And if you are offering them multiple avenues of not just fine-tuning their talents but of relaxing as well, there is an underlying if not vocalised expectation that it is their duty to perform in return.”   

The expectation may be vocally expressed or it may be subtly insinuated through a parent’s behaviour. Either which way the child is quick to pick up the undercurrents. Sensitive parents hope that they have been convincing enough in their attempts to tell their kids that no matter what, numbers are not the end of the world and that they should take their results with a smile. But, when each child – and each parent knows – that the future is at stake on the numbers that the computer throws up with relentless swiftness at the appointed time, the tension is bound to build up.

No amount of distractions can relieve the pressure of that moment. And it is there, Dr Ajit feels that parents need to stand by their child. For success or failure in the ultimate sense though measured, is relative. “Do all parents have the maturity to realise this?” he asks. “So, what if the child has not cleared an entrance exam or not got the expected numbers? When one door closes, thousands open up. And if the child is truly keen, parents should stand by him and let him give it again in the next year. You do not lose face at all. What is one year lost in a long span of time?”

True indeed, but in the whirligig of examinations and results, the pressure continues to mount. And familial relationships get stretched, sometimes tragically to the point of no return.

shraddha_js@dnaindia.net