My parents love Harman more than they love me: Bipasha Basu

Bipasha Basu is battling to find herself both in work and in her personal life.  The actress who is promoting her next film creature is clearing the air about her engagement and impending wedding. 

In a candid chat the actress opens up about her film, her inner fears, and her supposed fiance Harman Baweja. read on...

Creature is your second horror film. Comment.
If you break down my filmography you will see that I have done an equal number of different genres -- love, thriller, drama, comedy, action, realistic films. It's just in comparison to any other actor or actress I have done the maximum number of supernatural films.

Do you watch horror films?
Yes, but in a very weird way. When the scary scene is happening I shut my eyes and ask people around me what's happening! My sisters want to kill me because my younger sister is a big horror film fan. She has seen every horror film in the world and she hates to watch them with me because by chance if somebody touches me from this side I will jump around and shriek so much! Then I will torture my sister to sleep with me with full lights on. I am terrified of watching horror films - a big fattu! I felt by doing horror films I would get more brave but I am just getting worse. My three favorite horror films are Shining (an all time favorite), The Others and The Ring.

Have you ever encountered spirits?
Once. In Mukesh Mills when I was shooting for Gunaah. I kept forgetting my lines and was feeling claustrophobic. No one was in the room except me. After some 15 takes a caretaker from Mukesh Mills came and told the unit member, 'ki Madam ko yahan se nikaal do.' Nobody told me this. Everybody said 'abhi baad mein bulayenge shot ke liye' and I went back to the van. They packed up the shoot and later I found out that one of Saroj Khan's dancer's got possessed there and she died of high fever after one month. The next day there was a puja at that spot and the pandit who did the puja had an accident. I never went back to Mukesh Mills. My condition is that if anybody tells me to go and shoot there I will never do it. Suparn (Varma) tried to take me there as a challenge, holding my hand, during Aatma and he pulled a prank. He made a girl in white saree hide behind a tree. I almost murdered him as I could have died.

Do you believe in spirits?
I think there must be something... But I would ask them to stay in their world and far away from me (laughs). I respect them and I don't want to discuss them.

What scares you?
Lizards, darkness and becoming unhealthy.

In real life what personal demons have you overcome?
I have become stronger with time. I am strong physically but I am a fattu in most of the aspects in my life. I just believe that when you fall into a tough situation, go through it - there's nothing else to do. When you are drowning,you have to swim to save yourself and if that's called being brave and strong then, I am that.

Who is 'your person'?
If I have to be very honest about it, it's my sisters - Munai and Rini, and my two friends Deanne and Rocky S who actually are my strength and support system. They never give me advice but if I am tilting they will just come around me and I will stand straight. They leave me to sort out and handle my problems in my own way. They never tell me what to do and that's what I like about them.They don't judge my life and they never fail me. When I need them, they are there. I get my strength from these people and I will not be able to do without these four people. I don't open myself too much to my parents because seeing their child's pain can really hurt your parents and at this age I don't think they deserve it. I involve them more in the happy times. When I dip. I pull myself away from everything and go into my shell till I sort things out in my head, deal with it and then I am back.

Where does Harman figure?
I don't know... Time will tell. I am just in a very happy space now. I just want to get fitter. I am fighting my own battle in terms of health and fitness. Right now I feel I am flabby in some areas and I need to get stronger and leaner.

Is there pressure to maintain the hot, sexy bombshell image?
I don't take my sexy image so seriously but then I definitely must not be that bad (laughs). It gets me a lot of attention so I would be a liar if I said I don't like the sexy tag! It's a good thing to be sexy as I would find someone who is not sexy, boring. There has to be some sex appeal and it's not about your looks but mannerisms, way you carry yourself etc. I don't want to be not sexy – it would be very sad! (laughs).

Why are you doing so few films in a year?
That's the way I am going to be seen. This was my decision. Six years back I decided I am going to do what I like to do. When I do things, that I don't like, it's a very frustrating process for me. I don't want to kill the excitement of going to a set. If I go to a set, I have to be excited like a child, the way I always used to be. So I would rather do things that will fulfill or satisfy me. I don't want to do bullshit anymore. I do what makes me happy.

Lets talk about your engagement rumours.
People saw my diamond ring and started speculating. That's my own diamond ring and I have been wearing it for months at events. Engagement rumours have happened to me in my past relationships too.It just shows our society's way of thinking - a woman will be complete the day she gets married. It's so sad... I love marriage as an institution. I respect it. My parents are very happy and still so much in Love... I idolise a love like that and yes, if that's what I acheive in my love life I will get married. But to just think that's all I would have in my life is not fair.

So you are not engaged?
No I am not. Firstly, I don't even understand engagements so let's not discuss that. For me when you connect with someone, you connect. The rest is all legal. It's just a piece of document that you need to get married and that big event in your life where you have to look very pretty and blah blah blah... But for me, if I am involved I am involved. there's no engagement which will change my thought process. Marriage might because then you actually have to start living with the person you love. I am not prepared for it in my head yet... Let me put it this way - I am still growing up. It will happen some day. There's no other choice. As much as I would like to think I am a kid, I am not (grins). People think I am sorted in my head but I am not. These are things I have never done. Marriage is a completely different experience. Anybody who works with me or knows me well, like my friends, finds me goofy. Most of my friends call me a blond. I am goofy, funny and take lot of shit. I don't think so much but speak from my heart. I make people laugh.

Buzz is that you are getting married this year...
From whom do you hear these rumors? Shaadi aisi na thodi ho jaati hai... You have to spend time, invest energy and so much! It's not just two people getting married but taam-jhaam and exhausting for the kind of work that I do. So for that I need some time and I don't have that kind of time right now honestly. Once the promotion of Creature is complete and the film releases, I go to Kerala and finish Alone. I come back, promote that film and release it in January next year. And in between I am launching some other professional commitments. That's the other aspect of my life. I don't have the time to get married right now! When I have some time, I would like to get married in luxury araam se. I get stressed when I have to plan something. I am a perfectionist and control freak. If I get married you don't know what kind of a Bridezilla I willl be! I will want to control and do everything.

What's your idea of a dream wedding?
I am always in a fairytale world so I have always dreamed of a fairytale wedding. In my head I am a fairytale princess. It 's just that reality strikes quite often. But when I get married I would like to be married in the traditional Bengali style with the sindoor, white and red bangles, blowing of conch shells. My mother will kill me otherwise.or give me lot of emotional grief. I used to tell her earlier that I will have a beach wedding one day where only fit people will be allowed in bikinis. You all are so fat that you can't come. I torture my mother all the time (laughs).

Are you ready to label Harman Baweja as the love of your life?
I am still very private about that. I am not ready to talk about it. I feel it's still so private that I don't want it to become public yet and be discussed about what I feel and the man in my life and what it is... He's a fabulous guy with a great heart. For once I feel I am in a relationship where the man is a better human being than me. And I am a very good human being and I respect that about myself. I am with a man who is very nice but more than that I am not ready to speak. I am a little protective about my feelings now... I have changed... Maybe grown up more now.

Both your parents have met and you party together so why the secrecy?
Yes, our parents have met but how does matter whether they have or haven't? Finally it's about two people. My parents LOVE him. They have never liked any of my boyfriends till now but it's weird sometimes, how much they love him. They love him more than they love me. That irritates me. Naturally it would no? (smiles) Because I am the pampered child of the house and suddenly I lose my importance in front of my own parents. I have met his family too. They are lovely people. Very cultured. I think the way he is, is because of his upbringing as that's beautiful. He is a very well-brought up man who respects women. Not just his woman but every woman and that most men don't.

The creature in Creature
Bipasha says, "The creature is Vikram Bhatt! A lot of the creature's voice is Vikram's which is mixed with layered animal sounds and digital work. The creature has a mythological root and it's a Brahma Rakshas. Brahma means Brahmin and Rakshas is a demon. It's a demonic spirit of a Brahmin who has done some bad deeds when they were alive so once they are dead they become demons because a Brahmin's life is supposed to be that of a spiritual leader but if you have done something wrong in your living life then after you die you become this demonic creature called Brahma Rakshas and Brahma Rakshas is very deeply rooted in Hindu mythology. In south India there are many Brahma Rakshas temples and they are worshipped as demi-Gods. In India we had to give the creature an Indian background and that's why Vikram thought of going the Brahma Rakshas way. It's a very unique concept and the way the creature looks is very amazing! It's a film driven by special effects. I have shot the entire film without knowing what I am doing." My parents love Harman more than they love me!