Moving on...How soon post a breakup should one start dating

Monday, 30 September 2013 - 9:50am IST | Agency: DNA

After a much publicised break-up with singer Miley Cyrus, actor Liam Hemsworth and Cyrus are now supposedly dating other people. Did Liam and Miley move on too quickly? How soon is too soon to date? Just a day after his split with Miley was revealed, Liam was spotted kissing singer-actress Eiza González at her apartment complex in Beverly Hills. This was just a few days after going clubbing with her in Vegas. Meanwhile Miley all but confirmed her relationship status with music producer Mike WiLL Made It as the couple shared a sweet embrace following her performance at the iHeartRadio Music Festival in Vegas.

Did Liam and Miley move on too quickly? Is waiting to date another person after a breakup a good move? And how long should you wait before you date someone else? We get experts to tell us all.

How long should you wait?
Psychologist Mansi Hasan, says, “A breakup can be a very vulnerable period in one’s life. While emotions can vary from person to person from heart break to bitterness to hate towards your ex-partner; adjusting to life without that special someone is a challenge for all. How the person handles himself/herself as well the situation is also vital to deciding what the person does next. If one deals with their emotions instead of avoiding or deflecting them, the person can move on faster. On the other hand, if the breakup spells residual feelings for each other, it could become an emotional quicksand pit for both, if not dealt with appropriately.

Because of all this variability, there is no hard and fast rule as to an appropriate period of waiting. Also, as different people deal with situations differently, for some dating someone else immediately works as it serves as a distraction, while some prefer taking some time out for themselves. Irrespective of how ugly the relationship got towards the end, one must take at least some time out to deal with the repercussions of the breakup.  It is also advisable to gauge one’s intentions about dating the next person and whether they genuinely like the person, or if it is out of spite or whether it is a rebound.”

She adds, “Rebounds become a concern when one finds out that the rebound is not the relation, they are looking for and doesn’t fulfill them in the manner they wish it would have. 

The unresolved and negative feelings often spill over to the new relationship which makes it more complicated or difficult than the previous one. Taking a break before starting something new not only helps to deal with the residual feelings of negativity but helps to come to terms with one’s own feelings as well as want worked and didn’t work before jumping into a set for new emotions and a person. In each relationship one grows and if we can view ourselves as better individuals knowing what we what and who were are, there is a higher probability of the next relationship to be more happier and long lasting. So preferably wait before you move ahead!”

Drifting apart, coping with it
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria, says, “Breakups can be very traumatic. It is an emotional process and one has to deal with the unresolved issues thereafter. One must allow oneself to heal and move on in an emotionally healthy way.

Breakups could lead to a blame-game and bitter memories.

Negativity if not dealt with effectively could lead to depression. 

One needs to reflect on what mistakes were made in the relationship. Was it the expectations that lead to the drift?

The difference in thinking patterns between the two partners or was it the personality of the individual? For example, was the spouse or oneself over-protected. Certain issues regarding giving space and time could be reflected on.

Individuals who are working long hours need to examine whether they feel suffocated in relationships where the opposite partner demands time and attention. A perfectionist attitude or over-reactions and aggressive behaviour could also lead to break-ups. In this case anger-management and being more flexible in thought processes is essential. Every relationship has two sides and therefore one needs to evaluate their own mistakes and accept to change them further before constantly blaming others.”
 


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