Last week, I was walking barefoot in Shirdi, when a thorn lodged itself in my right foot.
Last week, I was walking barefoot in Shirdi, when a thorn lodged itself in my right foot. That crazy lady from the Kaanta Laga song doesn't know it's nothing to dance about. I take my pain as seriously as my pleasure, so there was a fair amount of screaming, till my knight in shining Armani went down on one knee and offered to remove the splinter.
Given his dhai kilo ka haath, which is better suited to uprooting a tree, than maneuvering a delicate needle around a deeply embedded thorn, I declined and did the deed myself (pass the Paramvir Chakra already!).
Bangle ke peeche
Later, as a person who has grown up watching Hindi films, I wondered if I had hurt the man's feelings by depriving him of the heroic act. The hero removing the thorn from a damsel's foot is a scene we've seen in countless Hindi films of the '60s and '70s. But it's 2016 now, so I considered the possibility that maybe no real damage was done to the man's ego because the ability to deal with a splinter no longer defines a hero (Hindi film or otherwise). No kaantas have been removed by any actor in the last three decades in any film.
Pyaar-vyaar
Blame it on the kaanta or the filmi keeda, I tripped into nostalgia. So many scenes have vanished from Bollywood films along with the old brigade. In the good old days, sex was only a possibility when it was a matter of life (or rather death). The silly leading ladies kept getting caught in rain/snow/storm. They would've shivered to death had the leading man not stepped up and used his body heat to save them (insert eye-roll here). Every second Hindi film in every decade had this scene -- Saira Banu and Shammi Kapoor in Jaanwar and Sharmila Tagore and Rajesh Khanna in Aradhana, Amitabh Bachchan and Meenakshi Sheshadri in Ganga Jamuna, Saraswati. The last of these scenes, I think, was Abhishek Bachchan and Karisma Kapoor in Haan Maine Bhi Pyaar Kiya Hai. Post the 90s, on-screen lovers did not depend on weather to get some action.
Room-vroom
Back then, when Raj Kapoor was directing films, romance meant getting accidentally locked in a room. Rishi Kapoor and Dimple Kapadia got excited about being in the same room. Even if nothing happened, it was something to sing about - Hum Tum Ek Kamre Main Bandh Ho Aur Sher Aa Jaye. A couple alone in a room without adult supervision was such a rarity that it was something to celebrate!
Maa kasam!
Raise your hand if you remember that scenes of the leading lady fainting on her way. or, in the middle of her saat pheras. The doctor in the wedding party rushing to check the dulhan's pulse. And then announcing, 'Yeh maa banne wali hai'. He was like a walking-talking pregnancy test kit. Science has still not progressed as much as the doctor saab of the 70s. And now he has gone missing forever.
Rotten rishtedaars
Remember the evil relative whose sole purpose in life was to torture the heroine? Where are all those soul-sucking Kalu Chacha and Chachis, Shakuni Mama-Mamis and Meena Mausi-Mausa. Now, the rishtedaars on big screen are these boring people who have no interest in plotting murder and mayhem. We have driven away all these nasty uncles and aunts to the small screen, where they are now thriving. Good riddance?
Gaalis galore
I read this article -- Science F*cking Confirms It: 11 Reasons Cursing Is Good For The Soul. So you'll understand why I mourn the loss of all those interesting cuss words like kameeni, kulta, kulachini, karamjali, janamjali. These gaalis vanished along with the characters who mouthed them. It's not fair that these colorful words never got a chance to get included in the Oxford Dictionary. Now they are lost forever.
Villain ki shaadi
I was always fascinated by villains like Pran and Ranjeet who kidnapped daughters (Nutan, Asha Parekh and Nanda) of rich men and married them at gunpoint for their wealth. I always wondered why didn't they just let them sign over their property, why marry them? But I know not to argue with a man holding a gun. And now it's too late. Those dinghy hideouts of the villains are long gone. As are the villains.
Bollywood will never be the same again.
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