‘Chintu already has tears in his eyes’

The Krishna Raj bungalow on Pali Hill is gearing up for the big wedding of Riddhima, the daughter of Rishi and Neetu Kapoor. The mother of the bride talks to Indu Mirani on the wedding of the year

Riddhima was born just six days before Kareena during the Ganpati festival in September 1980. Papa (Raj Kapoor) had said, “My Riddhi Siddhi has come into the world today.”

He called her Riddhima, a name we all loved right away. It was an unusual name. She changed it briefly to Ridima when she was studying in London because that’s the way they pronounced it there.. but returned to Riddhima once she was back.

Riddhima and I’ve always been friends. She makes no demands, I’ve to force her to take things, whether it’s clothes or a piece of jewellery. She never argues, never throws a tantrum.

She’s disciplined, she doesn’t eat dessert, fried food..or break her diet by going off on a binge. Like daughter, like mother, she keeps inspiring me to keep in shape.

She doesn’t like change. If we have to go out of town and  plans change at the last moment, she gets upset. She’s now going in for the biggest change in her life, a love marriage.

She met Bharat Sahni, who lives in Delhi, while studying in London. They knew each other there for three years. After they came back, Chintu (Rishi Kapoor) asked her to give it another year to see if they still felt the same way. They did and now they’re getting married. The loveliest thing about Bharat is that whenever he meets me, he brings me flowers.

Neither Chintu nor I told Riddhima not to work in films. Perhaps, because I had quit films, she presumed we didn’t want her to. We’ve never discussed it, she never brought it up herself, maybe she thought it would hurt us if she did. It’s also a question of the way you are brought up.

My son Ranbir, for example, wants to act in movies because he grew up accustomed to the idea of continuing his father’s career. Riddhima has not shown any interest in acting, she was inclined towards singing, fashion and designing. She’s done a course in fashion designing.. as luck would have it her fiancé is into garments and has a fashion house.

They way Riddhima and Bharat got engaged is so reminiscent of the way Rishi and I did. We were going around for five years but he refused to take me to meet his parents.
He wanted me to complete my films before anything formal was done. On a trip to Delhi, his sister Ritu insisted that we get engaged. We did, after borrowing rings. It was a hurried affair, totally unexpected.

Similarly, I knew Riddhima and Bharat were going around. Although I liked Bharat very much, nothing formal was said for quite some time. We were in Delhi for another occasion when my mother-in-law spoke to Bharat’s mom Indu.

Before we knew it,  the engagement had been arranged. It was so impromptu, and now the marriage is just a couple of weeks away.

I don’t even remember my marriage in 1979 because my mother did everything. It was much simpler than it is today. Today, every little occasion is organised by event managers and wedding planners. Everything is very proper. I want to dance at the sangeet but most likely I’ll feel awkward at the last minute.

Riddhima will be wearing a lahenga for all the ceremonies because that’s very classic, very bride-like. Some of the jewellery is Indian, some Western.

Most of it is new.. though there are some pieces that were given to me by my mother. Riddhima isn’t really a sari person, neither am I..so there aren’t any family heirlooms being passed on. But she will be wearing a sari for the Delhi reception which will be teamed with modern jewellery.

The dates were finalised after much consideration. The sangeet is on January 23rd which is a Monday, mehendi the next day followed by a reception on the 25th.

There’ll be another reception in Delhi on the 28th, Saturday. I’m already a bit sad.. because she’ll be going away. There are so many things I’ll miss about her, especially the way she says “Mom”.

Ranbir is just starting out on his career. He’s currently wrapped up in the preparations but he does ask me every evening about what he can do to help.

Ranbir and Riddhima are close and though he keeps teasing her that this is her last month in the house, I know he’ll miss her very much too.

Chintu cries only when he is alone but I’ve often come upon him sitting in the dark in the garden with tears in his eyes. “My daughter’s getting married” he says quietly, then he smiles to make me forget. I get choked up too, it hits me more and more as the day draws closer.

I believe if you give love you get love. My only advice to Riddhima and other brides-to-be is to be calm and collected. It’s not easy to move into another life.

You have to get into a marriage believing it’s for keeps. You have to be intelligent to make the marriage work. The first few years are difficult, the bond develops with time.
Today the tendency is to give up a marriage if there’s a temporary snag.

When I think of the future it frightens me. Riddhima will be married, Ranbir will get busy with his career. I gave up the movies after marriage and stayed at home. I always wanted my children to feel secure in the fact that their mother was there for them.

Maybe I made a mistake by giving up my career but when I see the way my children have turned out, I feel “Aah, it’s been a wonderful life.”