When couples are in a relationship or married, does it make sense for them to share everything including their digital space? That’s a question that a lot of couples have faced and the answer varies according to the kind of relationship you share.
Thirty-two-year-old, Shristi Kamdar who has been in a relationship for more than six years, says, “The very fact that you trust someone that much to let them be a part of your life means that you share a comfort level with that person.”
Shristi who is soon going to tie the knot with her long-time boyfriend Ravi, feels there is no reason why your password should be a secret from your partner and if you can’t trust him or her not to misuse it, you should not be in a relationship with that person in the first place. She adds, “Both Ravi and I know each other’s passwords.
However, we have never accessed them. I am happy that he trusted me enough to share it with me but I don’t see any reason why I need to access his account when he is not around.”
Shristi’s fiance Ravi adds, “When I gave Shristi my password I knew she would not misuse it. She does not even like to go through my phone or wallet. I love her for that, and I know that if she is worried or in doubt about something she will directly approach me.”
Trust is key
Psychiatrist Anjali Chhabria says, “Wanting or insisting on having your partner’s password to email accounts, social network sites or laptops and cell phones among couples can be indicative of one’s insecurities.
Sometimes it may lead to unnecessary doubts in one’s head by reading too much into the material found after using the password and questioning your partner’s every move henceforth. Some partners may see it as a breach of privacy or may feel that (s)he is not trusted in the relationship. Thus, insecurities can lead to being possessive about your partner which in turn can become a cause of conflict in a relationship.
However, there are also some couples who are comfortable with sharing the passwords with each other as they may feel it is important that they know everything about each other and hide nothing.”
Passwords can’t ruin a relationship, lack of trust can!
Varkha Chulani, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, adds, “Snooping around trying to guess your partners password indicates lack of self-belief. You obviously think you are not good enough and that your partner prefers better. Or that your partner is not worthy of your trust.
The question then is why be with a person if you don’t have confidence in yourself or in him/her? If you constantly want to know what your partner is up to there is something you are either not admitting about you relationship or about yourself. Deal with whatever is the problem it may well be you rather than waste energy snooping for evidence to prove that your partner is not worth your time.”
So should you share your password with your partner?
For many couples simply knowing that their partner is willing to share his/her passwords is enough. The key to solving this dilemma is to follow the same conduct you expect of your partner, don’t intrude into their private space or pressurise him/her to do something that they are not comfortable with.
You may want access to your partner’s online space, but it’s important to know whether your partner is comfortable with that idea. You have to put the cards on the table and let him/her decide if they want to be a part of this real and virtual merger in the true sense of the word.