What Vir Das for a living

You’ve dabbled in quite a bit with stand-up comedy, TV-shows, movies and now, music. Is there anything you still want to explore?
I have long wanted to be a vocalist. With Alien Chutney, I’m trying my hand at comedy rock, a concept that doesn’t exist in India. Let’s see how it goes, it may do well or may just fall flat. I’m also writing a new comedy show, which will be personal and a little mellow in comparison with my previous acts.

Eventually, what will your priority be?
Film is already a priority, but I’m doing world tours for History of India and trying to balance both. I will never give up either.

If you weren’t into entertainment, what would you be doing?
This is where I’m most comfortable, I’ve been in this industry for five years. If not for entertainment, I would have ventured into education. I can totally imagine being an old theatre professor.

You once tweeted “I’m writing again. The best kind of writing is when you didn’t want to, didn’t plan to, didn’t need to...but just couldn’t help it.” What’s your contribution to the scripts of your act and what do you consider the best comedy?
I research and write all my acts; sometimes it takes a few months. For Battle of Da Sexes, I read about eight books. With stand-up comedy it’s best to re-write. The first time you perform a new show, you get a reality check—what you thought was a great line may not work for the audience and something really sh***y will get people cracking-up. I often go back and re-write.

And what makes you laugh?
Stupid inane things...

Do you need a good sense of humour to be a comedian?
No. You just need to have a unique perspective. You don’t even have to be the life of the show, you can just be in the corner, the listener...

The kind of humour India isn’t ready for is...
Sarcasm. It will take time to pick up. We’re more into puns.

You’re known for your fetish for hats. Do you really love them or are you just conscious of your hair?
(Laughs) I like hats and I am too lazy to do my hair properly, everytime. Once you wear a hat, you’re good. It also works for me because I don’t like putting things in my hair.

What are most men conscious about?
I’ve heard that men are conscious of their feet, like women are conscious of their bums. Hope mine isn’t broken in Delhi, considering all the jokes I crack about them.

In olden times, kings, princes and men in general, wore a lot of jewellery, complete with neck pieces and earrings. But not anymore. Why?
Well, I wear two earrings...But the fact is that Indian women are infinitely better looking than Indian men, and any new jewellery in the house has to go to the most good looking person...Things would be different if we were Italian; until Indian men start looking better, jewellery will remain in the women’s domain.

What’s the one thing men won’t talk about?
Their web history.

Who make for better flirts, women or men?
Women... Within five minutes they know whom they are attracted to, then it’s up to the men, but we just mess it up. I, for one, am very shy.

Have you ever been asked out by a woman?
Yes. I turned bright red and pretended that I’d done the asking out.

Really? Why?
Just to be chivalrous.

How do you describe the NEW MAN of India?
He is socially conscious, involved in matters of government, knows the problems of the government and of women... All this is a result of social media.

Who would you say was a man of impact in 2013?
Arvind Kejriwal