Did you have any concerns when you were approached with the role for Margarita with a Straw?
I loved the script. The minute I read it, I said I want to do it. But I was terrified. I thought 'How am I going to pull this off?' When I told Shonali that I couldn't do it unless I had lots of time to prepare, she said, 'Yeah, yeah. I'm not allowing you to do this unless you give me three months of prep.' I said, 'Three months? I need six!'. But we were on the same page about the amount of hard work to be put in, because we are representing a disability and it's an abled actor playing a disabled character. You make one mistake and the whole world will be against you.
What were the mistakes you were trying to avoid?
Just being completely informed on cerebral palsy. The thing with cerebral palsy is that no one person is the same as another. So I needed not only to observe one person but a whole array of people who have this disability at different levels. I worked with speech therapists to understand how the muscles work. It's uncharted territory in the sense that you have to figure out your own way of doing it. I can't copy somebody. I had to make sure I was not going over the top. Getting the facts right about what such a person can or cannot do.
You spent a lot of time with Shonali's cousin Malini while preparing for the role. Did this break any of your own prejudices?
Malini is a very funny person. I had never been around disability so I wasn't sure how much I should ask or what I should say. I remember going out with her for dinner and drinks and she ordered a whiskey soda. I was shocked and then I was shocked at my own shock. I thought, 'Why am I shocked that an adult woman wants to order a drink?' It was the same when we talked about sex.
The film is also set in a sort of lighthearted space. What was the vibe on the sets while shooting?
Laila's character is very humorous. She views a lot of things with a sense of humour. We didn't want to make this disabled person a perfect, lovely person. There is a tendency to say 'Aww... they're disabled but they are such good people.' Laila is naughty. She breaks hearts, she makes mistakes. But it's her attitude - she gets up every time she falls, literally and figuratively. At no point does she feel sorry for herself.
On the sets, I stayed in the chair throughout, in Laila's character. It was actually very exhausting. I was physically exhausted from sitting in the chair for 12 hours. My spine was twisted. I had back problems. Disabled people have shallow breathing because their lungs are not strong enough. This shallow breathing would make me tired and make me yawn a lot. While watching people with cerebral palsy, I remember seeing them stretch out a lot and dangle off their chair. I would think, 'What are they doing?' and then realised that when you sit for that long, you need to stretch and move your body around. So you flop yourself in these positions to stretch and feel better.
The shoot was fun and there were mad moments. There were many people who thought I really had cerebral palsy. One dress dada who had seen me on the sets of Dev D asked, 'Was she in an accident? She's so good that she is still acting.'
Was there any moment that made you feel that you'd finally got the character right?
There was never a moment like that because I always thinking, 'Am I doing it right?' I had to complete rely on Shonali, which is a great test because she grew up with Malini all her life and could point things out. Till the last few weeks, I was trying to put marbles in my mouth, I was trying to speak holding my tongue, doing all sorts of things. I was just diving into it really. I just needed to stay in it and not get out of it. It was important for me to get into habit, into a rhythm because I was doing it all the time. It was important that it didn't look inconsistent.
What did Malini say when she saw the film?
She kept saying she loved it. I wasn't there the first time she saw it but she got emotional and cried. Her parents said that they had goosebumps because there were certain traits of Malini that are there in Laila. The way she laughs and in the trailer the way she falls over, that's so Malini.
For the sex scenes in the film, you said you thought you would be uninhibited and then you went in and it completely turned around.
I'm quite comfortable with my body. I'm careful while doing films representing nudity and sex because it can be completely misused and used for titilation. That wasn't the case with this film at all, it is very much part of the story and the plot. It's a beautiful thing and many people don't even know that people with a disability like cerebral palsy can have sex.
I was for it conceptually, but when we were on set, there are like 15 people around - one of them setting up the sheets and someone is touching up your make-up and you're literally naked. So it's a pretty intimidating place to be in. Then the repetition, we had to do it again, undress again. The first time Sayani (Gupta) and shot for the scene it was very tough, because Shonali also likes to take long takes, so the first take was seven minutes long! And I was just thinking, 'Where's the cut? WHERE'S THE CUT?' And then she'd say, 'Okay, once again.' It was tough.
Did you refer to other performances for the film?
I saw My Left Foot (directed by Jim Sheridan, starring Daniel Day-Lewis), Oasis, a Korean film and The Sessions, which is a film about sessions with a sex therapist. I also saw many documentaries. I saw a lot of YouTube videos of people with cerebral palsy. There are two comedians Josh Blue and Maysoon Zaid - I saw a lot of their work. Then there are lots of videos of people with cerebral palsy putting on make-up, getting ready, going to the loo, normal activities. I observed first hand as well, with Malini and the people at ADAPT. It was a lot of collective research.
What were you looking for while watching these films for research?
It's very dangerous to look at a film and try to imitate. It becomes imitation and doesn't come from inside. It was more to broaden the umbrella. The more information you have, the more freedom you have to pick and choose the commonalities. There are different levels of cerebral palsy. I wanted to collect as much information so that I could then make it my own.
Was there a feeling of wanting to bring about awareness about cerebral palsy?
When I did the film, no. That was purely for selfish reasons. I was thinking 'Wow! What a film! This is going be amazing to do.' Of course I find these subjects interesting because they bring awareness. But I didn't want to make an NGO film. I didn't want to make a preachy film that will teach you something. I'm interested in taking you on an emotional journey which then gives you knowledge and awareness along with it.
What were the apprehensions about getting the Censor Board's certification?
Everyone was saying, 'This film will never pass the Censors'. There was a lot of negativity around it. Everyone was panicking. The Censor Board did have a lot of cuts but when the revision committee saw the film, they just loved it. They said this film needs to come out, it's been handled so sensitively. So we managed to come away with just one cut in the sex scene. It's been pretty amazing that the film has gone out the way it has.
Especially considering that even in general, sex and sexuality are such a taboo.
Exactly. I remember stories about Rocket Singh. They cut out a scene because a guy was holding a pillow on his lap. 'He has an erection'. 'No! They're just discussing a business plan.' 'No, he has an erection. Cut the scene.' The crazy levels they go to! I've never had such an experience myself, but I have heard some interesting stories.
You entered the industry when a new wave of cinema was just beginning with films by Dibakar Banerjee and Anurag Kashyap. And now we have big mainstream releases that are not just masala entertainers, but also take on different subjects. What do you make of this evolution and where do you see yourself in the industry?
I think it's interesting and I think the industry evolves with society. They reflect each other. It's also a sign of recent changes and how women are being empowered, or at least being conscious of the need for empowerment. Women are in the workplace more. So there is a sense of inclusion in cinema as well, stories with women who drive the plot and are not just eye candy. So that has helped.
I think there are still a lot of big blockbuster films which are quite brainless, but still make a lot of money. That hasn't changed but what's surprising a lot of investors, producers and studios is that films that are not necessarily like that are working, like Queen. I think there is generally a tendency for the middle class to demand more good content. They're exposed to so much. The internet has made it so easy to watch world cinema and TV series from across the world. So people are expecting more good content I think.
You dabble in both kinds of films. Is there a conscious decision to balance the two?
It's not about balancing the two. If I got more commercial cinema I'd do more commercial films. If I got more independent cinema, I'd do more independent films. It is what comes along and I discriminate within that, not between a commercial or independent film. I discriminate between a good film and a bad film. I think there's only so much you can predict. The script can be great and it can turn out to be a terrible film; if the production is bad, if it's confused, there can be changes made at the edit table. But the things you can predict are the script, your connection with the director and their vision and trying to understand where they are coming from. If those two things work, then I do the film.
My conscious decision with my own career is that I don't want to repeat myself, I want to break my own barriers and stereotypes. Because you get stereotyped according to your latest film. So you have to constantly break that. An actor should be doing all sorts of roles and all sorts of genres. I look at a role and say, 'Have I done this before? Does it not excite me because of that?' Sometimes I see that it is similar but there is a wackiness or quality that I have not tried and I'm excited about.
What are the roles you wish you were offered?
I always wished to be offered a rom-com. I'm actually not the intellectual person that everybody makes me out to be. I love rom-coms. I'm just waiting for a nice Pretty Woman type rom-com. I would also love to do a biopic because I like to read a lot of non-fiction. I would like to do a character that was alive or is alive. And action! I would love to do an action film and train for it.