Column

The youth of today are in a quandary.

I mean, look at 12-year-old Alfie Patten who until yesterday was gloating in the media spotlight as the youngest dad in the world! Even his parents were proud of him!

But that’s until Alfie discovered that he just might not be the father of the baby girl. His 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Stedman, had allegedly slept with several other boys, some even younger than Alfie!

Poor kid, just when he thought his future was bright without the need to have any other talent or academic achievement, fate has dealt Alfie a cruel blow! Now his only hope of staying in the limelight - considering his parents just might disown him - is to get adopted by the American woman who’s made more news lately than Barack Obama by simply delivering octuplets!

If that’s not bad enough, every day a bizarre new scientific study adds to their confusion. Like, a girl at a prominent Mumbai college asked her boyfriend how long he’d looked at her before falling in love with her! The boyfriend promptly replied, “Only two seconds!” The girl frowned and pointed to a newspaper report that said the time needed for a man to fall in love at first sight is 8.2 seconds — and anything less than four seconds means he’s just not that into you! “That report is rubbish,” protested the boyfriend. “I’ve stared a lot longer than 8.2 seconds at our chemistry lecturer’s cleavage! That doesn’t mean I’m in love with her!” A resounding slap echoed through the campus.

Elsewhere, two sacked IT professionals were caught between romance and recession. Like a true film hero, the jobless youth met the girl’s father and said, “Sir, I’m here to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.” The father smirked and snapped, “Do you only want her hand? What about the rest of her? Besides I’m looking for a guy jiske paas paisa hai, gaadi hai, bungalow hai… tumhare paas kya hai?” To which the guy replied, “Mere paas… election hai! Rice at Rs 3 per kilo hai! I assure you that your daughter will not starve! I’ve full faith in our politicians who’ve no solution for our country’s problems other than subsidised rice! I’m hoping they will also offer us complimentary black dal — with some pickle and papad!”

The youth of today is in a quandary — caught amidst joblessness, easy fame, bizarre scientific studies and desperate politicians!