Column

It was inevitable that the two supporters of the Narmada Bachao movement would meet some day soon.

So Booker-winning novelist Arundhati Roy and media-bashing perfectionist Aamir Khan met at a five-star coffee shop. The reason for this bizarre rendezvous is obvious, though both have denied meeting at all.

When this reporter quizzed Arundhati about meeting Aamir, she hurled a Coca Cola bottle at him, while Aamir promised to ponder over the question and then reply on September 12 at 8.56 am.

However, with due apologies to both of them and with no intention of belittling their common cause, we present excerpts from their conversation. Read at your own risk.

Arundhati: DAMmit! I hate dams!
Aamir: And I hate DAMsels in distress!
Arundhati: Distressed are those people who have to be evacuated to build dams. Will the Sardar Sarovar dam help the people of Kutch get drinking water? I don't think so. And they can't afford Coca Cola!
Aamir: Excuse me, what are you talking about?
Arundhati: DAMn you! Here I am concerned about dams and you are nicely tucking into a dum aloo kashmiri. Do you know there are 3,700 dams in a country where 350 million people are below the poverty line?
Aamir: Do you think it will help if we change out country's name from India to DAMascus?
Arundhati: No, but have you read my book, 'The God of Small Things'?
Aamir: Of course, I read it, though I finished shooting for two films, did a series of commercials and even got married twice before I finished all of its 340 pages!
Arundhati: Stop it! Do you know I donated Rs 15 lakh from my prize money to the Narmada Bachao Andolan?
Aamir: In that case, why don't you scribble another book and raise some more funds instead of going Dam maro Dam? Is this what the Booker has done to you? I am reminded of a song - "Booker mere mann ko, kiya tune kya ishaara…"
Arundhati: No. The Booker hasn't changed me at all. I still don't socialize. In fact, I have a small circle of friends and that's why I wrote 'The God of Small Things', otherwise I would have called it 'The God of Big Things And Hi! Bunty, Bhaskar, Chintu and Medha'! Nobody invites me anywhere because they know I won't come. In fact, last week I threw a big party and I didn't invite myself! There is a law in France against dam constructions? Why can't we have that law in India?
Aamir: I don't think the French will give it to us! Maybe we could borrow it from them for a day, but that's about it!
Arundhati: Everyone wants to make money out of these dam projects…
Aamir: I'll get you a baDAM sharbat?
Arundhati: No, anything with DAM in it puts me off. I would rather go and watch a mindless movie instead.
Aamir: Let's watch Maximum Risk!
Arundhati: Who's in it?
Aamir: Jean-Claude Van DAMme!
Arundhati: Oh, no!
Waiter: Your bill, MADam!