Column

Audrey Hepburn has a classic dialogue in 'Charade', "Of course, you won't be able to lie on your back for a while, but then you can lie from any position, can't you?" Now that's true of most people on this planet. They can lie from any position. The dictionary would define a lie as a false statement made to deceive or an intentional violation of truth.

But the truth about a lie is that it isn't a lie until proven otherwise. And, believe me; the whole of Bollywood depends entirely on this dictum. The good thing about some lies is that the liar knows nobody believes him, but what the heck, who's going to prove him wrong?

In the olden days, a phone call to the house of a filmstar would be met with the standard, rehearsed, tried and tested one-liner from the servant. "Saab bathroom mein hai," he would say grimly. Some wise callers get the message immediately that this is the saab's way of saying that he doesn't want to talk to him. So, there is no point in calling again and hoping that saab would be out of the bathroom. For, the moment he comes out of the bathroom, he will go into the kitchen, then the drawing room, the bedroom, the pooja room and, finally… vroom!

It's hard to fathom why they say things that nobody believes, including themselves. Like, ask an actor why she agreed to play such a minuscule role in a film and she will say, "The length of the role is not important to me." What she actually means is that she is desperate for work. Or that she is being paid a huge amount of money. Or she is being paid no money, but it's a big filmmaker who has promised her a bigger role in his next film.

Nobody admits to having an affair or planning to get married in Bollywood. Especially the heroines who answer any question about their alleged affairs with a straight-face, "I'm not the sort to hide my relationship. Besides, where's the time for a relationship?"

For a long time, the most abused word in Bollywood was 'hatke' or 'different' with everybody claiming to be doing something 'hatke' from the usual. The most abused word in Bollywood these days is 'mind blowing'. You willhear a producer telling a journalist that his film took a 'mind blowing' initial at the box office. A director's assistant will gloat over a 'mind blowing' shot. And an actor will be told by his chamchas about his 'mind blowing' performance.

But why blame Bollywood? We all tell small, white lies every day. After all, it's like Jack Nicholson said in 'A Few Good Men' - "You can't handle the truth!"