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ShareOn the great occasion of Valentine's Day, my team, comprising my two-year-old, two 12-year-olds (Olive Ridley turtles), and I decided to research the life and times of the great humanitarian and custodian of social change and morality, not to mention the last bastion of clean underwear in India, Mr. Pramod Muthalik.
Muthalik was born many years ago in South Central Karnataka. Some historians place his birth date at 47 years ago, others place it at 75 years, while a few even claim it was possibly one hundred and eighty years ago. The last date is obviously the most acceptable as his Victorian morals make sense today only if you are approximately about 182 years old.
The early Muthalik excelled at sport. He won the 100 metres sprint on a regular basis. His critics argue that this may have been because his henchmen would physically hold back all the other competitors at the races. However, a win is a win and we Indians must stop being petty over such issues. After many accolades and triumphs as a young adult, he applied for a scholarship to Harvard , but was turned down on the flimsy grounds that he couldn't read or write. Furthermore what broke his heart was a post script from the college which said that at 43 years of age he would be twice the average age of the rest of the class. The letter was signed by the head of admissions a certain Ms. Nancy Valentine.
Muthalik swore revenge. First he declared war on everyone called Nancy. But since he couldn't find anybody by this name in India, he declared war on Nancy day.When told there was no such concept, he wept consecutively everyday for four weeks. Finally he pulled himself together and declared war on Valentine's Day. That's where we find him today.
Mr Muthalik is a caring, loyal, sensitive and compassionate person, who once after ducking two five-year-olds in a pond for 15 minutes let them go without killing them. What further proof do we need of this profoundly misunderstood humanitarian? I suggest that in his honour we change Valentine's Day to Muthalik Day from this year onwards. Muthalik ki jai, Valentine bye bye should be our slogan.
