Column

For starters, Bekaar babu struck again on Sunday. He burnt a bus, pelted stones at shops, heckled innocent passers-by, stopped trains and shouted slogans against anybody and everybody.

Later he boasted about his dubious achievements to his wife, who only had one question to ask: “But why?” To which Bekaar babu had the answer that has become the buzzword among India’s irresponsible politicians: “It was a spontaneous reaction!”

Bekaar babu’s wife didn’t quite understand. “Really?” she asked again. “But I haven’t seen you react spontaneously to anything ever in life! How come you are so spontaneous when it comes to vandalism?”

Bekaar babu was now getting really irritated. “Look, I was very upset about what happened,” he said, “and it was an emotional outburst! How do you expect people to express themselves if not by burning buses and pelting stones?”

Mrs Bekaar babu pointed out that she had read in the newspapers that the bus her husband so gleefully helped burn cost Rs 35 lakh.

She pointed, “I suppose you’d want me to be impressed by the fact that you set fire to someone’s hard-earned money rather than making any effort in life to earn it yourself! Do you realise we have a daughter to put through school? I would have been happier had you been upset with her failing in her sixth standard!” Bekaar babu dismissively asked his wife, “So what’s for dinner?” His wife glared at him and said, “Smoked Volvo!”

The next day, Mrs Bekaar babu rang the neighbour’s doorbell. Mrs Kotnis opened the door and frowned. Her husband was a policeman and widely known as Constable Kotnis. “What do you want?” snapped the neighbour.

“Because of your husband’s spontaneous reaction my husband has got spondilitis! He’s been assigned to guard all the statues in the city and he spent the whole night staring up at them! Thus he sprained his neck and couldn’t even look down when some miscreants beat up two of his constable colleagues right under his nose!”

Bekaar babu’s wife came home and told her husband about cops being beaten up the previous night. Bekaar babu shrugged his shoulders and said, “But I hope all the statues in the city are safe!”

His wife raised her hand and sent it smacking across her husband’s face. “What was that?” asked a stunned Bekaar babu. His wife replied, “Spontaneous reaction!”