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Last week was one of enlightenment. Some of my deepest fears were answered by scientists. Like, I’d been very worried about the woman who was spotted on Mars.

What was she going to do on a barren planet that had no shopping malls? Or who would she ask how her hair is looking?

And what’s the point in walking naked when there’s nobody to admire your hourglass figure? I was concerned that all these factors would finally drive her nuts and she would start throwing volcanic rocks at NASA’s Mars explorer, mistaking it for some intergalactic paparazzi intruding on her privacy and taking photographs!

Thankfully, scientists have dismissed the idea of a woman on the Red Planet. “If there were,” said one of them, “she would suffocate and freeze in short order—not from the bad weather on the planet but from simply not being able to talk to someone, anyone!” In fact, scientists have called this incident an example of pareidolia.

Honestly, I’d never heard of pareidolia before. But when I heard it’s a phenomenon where people tend to see familiar forms in unfamiliar inanimate objects, I realised that I was no stranger to it!

After all, it was just two days ago that my friend had a pareidolic attack when he spotted his wife outside Shopper’s Stop.

But when she didn’t comment within 45 seconds of meeting him about his awful dressing sense and how the colour of his shirt wasn’t matching his jeans, he looked closer and realised it was actually an HDFC ATM!

Another shocking revelation was a study that revealed how couples who argue, live longer than those who don’t! In fact, the first hint of my longevity came when I showed this report to my wife, who promptly started an argument we’d left unfinished six months ago!

The study found that couples who kept pent up emotions were likely to die earlier than those who hurled flower vases and abuses at each other.

This could also be because those who suppress their anger or avoid a fight usually go out and hire someone to kill their spouse!

The flipside to this study is that when you hear a neighbourhood couple screaming at each other in the middle of the night, you now know they are not only going to live longer but also give you sleepless nights as long as they live—unless you move out of the neighbourhood or hire a hitman!
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