Column

The Spectator

My mother, who reads five newspapers a day and watches as many TV news channels, was saying to me this morning, “So I suppose you’ve done your packing and you’re all set to fly to Jodhpur tomorrow?”

What packing mum, I replied, and why Jodhpur, as far as I know I’m spending the next few weeks if not months in Mumbai.

“Don’t be silly,” said my mum, “the whole world knows that everyone in Mumbai who is important or claims to be important is flying to Jodhpur to attend the Liz-Arun wedding with their Tarun Tahiliani lehengas in their Louis Vuitton suitcases….”

Mum, I said, as far as I know it’s Rohit Bal who has made the wedding lehengas, at least that’s what the news channels are saying, but I am sorry to say that not only do I not have any such lehengas, but I also don’t possess a Louis Vuitton suitcase. In any case I haven’t been invited to the wedding…

“Not even to Parmesh’s dinner tonight? I am sure you must have been at least invited to the Godrej mansion. Everyone who matters in Mumbai has been invited. Are you sure you haven’t received an invitation? At least check your mail and inbox, it’s quite likely you’ve overlooked it….”

No mum, I said, I have been through my mail and email inbox and even my sms messages but no messages have come from Parmesh or even Adi, and so even though the whole world (or at least the whole glamorous world, including my friend Anand Mahindra) will be at the Godrej mansion, I will watch the entrances and exits on one of the TV channels like everyone else.

“Hmm,” said my mother “you must have written something in one of your silly articles to have been dis-invited by the Godrejs! How many times I tell you to be careful what you write. Now you will never know how the party went, what Liz wore, or rub shoulders with Elton John and Hugh Grant.”

Mum, I said, I am sorry that I am not going, but on the whole the Godrejs have better things to do than invite lowly journalists like me, in any case their parties are quite short on media — the only journalist who gets invited regularly is Aroon Purie — and that’s because he’s so glamorous and hardly looks like a journalist with his tan and cigar and all that….

“Don’t change the subject,” said my mother. “Here I am feeling sorry for you not being invited to Jodhpur for Liz and Arun’s wedding — the second one as you know the first was at a secret ceremony in a 15th century castle, 125 miles west of London — and there you are going on about Aroon Purie and his cigar. But I suppose you are not concerned — I suppose in some silly journalist way that it matters being snubbed and not going to Jodhpur and you take some satisfaction in not being invited to the wedding of the century.”

No mum, I said, the wedding of the century is Ash and Abhishek’s and that’s the one it matters not being invited to.

s_malavika@dnaindia.net