Column

After Effects

Last night I saw Abhishek Bachchan being swarmed by journalists who wanted to know what he planned to do on Karva Chauth. I admire the guts of those intrepid reporters who asked him that question without feeling ridiculous.

I mean, what do you go home and tell your wife or girlfriend—"Sweetheart, guess what, I grilled Abhishek Bachchan today about his plans for Karva Chauth!" As for me, I had better things to do, like asking my wife why she never observed Karva Chauth like all the women in her favourite saas bahu serials and Hindi films.

My wife says she doesn't think it's worth staying hungry for someone like me! I completely agree. Even I wouldn't do it for a nonentity like me! But I can't give in without a fight and remind her that had her mother objected to our love marriage like Chiranjeevi and then gone on national television to bless us, I would have been a celebrity—like Chiranjeevi's relatively unknown son-in-law who has suddenly become a household name! "Maybe then you'd have been forced to observe the fast for me," I pointed out.

"You will still remain insignificant in this world," snapped my wife. "In fact, even if you smoked outside the office of the National Organisation for Tobacco Eradication, they wouldn't slap a legal notice on you like they did on Shah Rukh Khan! Not even those lawyers, who drag actors and actresses to court for their own publicity through PILs, will come after you even if you sang the national anthem in reverse!"

By now, I am angry that Ihope my life suddenly becomes the target of a sting operation.

"That's it," I roar. "I can't take this humiliation anymore!" So I get up and start walking away. But my wife is not one to surrender that easily and she hurls a revised Gabbar Singh dialogue from 'Sholay' at me, "Jab ladka ladki se jhagda karta hai, toh ma-in-law kehti hai, ‘Bewaqoof chup ho ja nahi toh Saif ajayega’!" I am a little flustered but I've to think of something quick. "No problem," I conclude.

"I just hope R R Patil bans cheerleaders from 20-20 cricket and relocates them outside the divorce court!"

And then we're quiet. Because we've run out of news headlines. This fight will have to be continued when there is enough nonsense news in our arsenal to attack each other.