Column

Ladies and gentlemen, there’s good news! In these days of recession and downsizing, there’s a promising new career option. It’s called Moral Police! It requires no educational qualification, no common sense and no understanding of ground reality! In fact, unlike the Real Police that are trapped in khaki, bound by rules, underpaid and undernourished, Moral Police can go to work in their pajamas and chappals!

The big question on the minds of our youth is how to stop our politicians from standing in the way of a modern India. The answer is staring them in the face: retirement age for politicians! Think about it – most of them are 70-plus! It’s an age when our grandparents sit at home, reminiscing the past and cursing the present. Thankfully, their bouts of nostalgia and regressive worldviews are restricted to the privacy of our homes.

Unfortunately, our politicians have unrestricted access to public speaking. Since this is one bill that will never get passed in the Parliament, the youth has only one option – if you can’t beat them, join them! In other words, join the Moral Police!

It’s amazing that you can beat up a woman and pull her hair in the name of upholding Indian Culture and still get the National Commission for Women to justify your actions by blaming the lack of security at a pub for tempting you to flex your moral muscles!

Moral Policing is also very therapeutic. If you’re a loser in love with zero communication skills with the opposite sex, there’s nothing that you’ll relish more than thrashing lovers at Bandra Bandstand or burning Valentine’s Day greeting cards. If you’re a loser in life with no goals, no achievements and no special talents, it will be exhilarating to vandalise a shopping mall where a few hundred people earn their living and a few thousand enjoy their hard-earned pay packet!

Most importantly, the upside of being a Moral Police is that when terrorists attack the city, you can hide at home while the Real Police deals with the dangerous situation – until it’s safe to come out and resume beating up women, vandalising public property and bringing the city to a standstill.