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Little did Ashutosh Gowariker expect his Jodhaa Akbar to be in the eye of another historical controversy! His mistake was that he’d never heard of Purab Paschimdas, a guy, history forgot to mention.

The problem was that even history was clueless of his existence until an organization called FHSBNUSCP (Failed in History at School But Now Using it Successfully for Cheap Publicity) called for a ban on Gowariker’s magnificent epic. To understand who Purab Paschimdas was, you need to be familiar with the mechanics of ancient warfare.

Or the simple fact that battles in those days were conducted purely during the official working hours—9 am to 5 pm. Soldiers woke up in the morning, brushed their teeth, put on their battle gear and headed for the battlefield. They would fight until evening and then return home for dinner. Anybody who fought after sunset didn’t get overtime or conveyance.

Purab Paschimdas was the time-keeper during the Battle of Panipat, who’d sit on a hillock and look to the east in the morning, and then turn to the west in the evening. As soon as the sun would rise, he would blow his trumpet to announce the start of the battle.

Similarly, as he noticed the sun setting, he would once again blow his trumpet to end the battle. This was the job profile of Purab Paschimdas and he did it diligently until one day when he blew the trumpet so hard, his lungs flew out through it and landed on the turban of his own military commander—a moment of distraction that allegedly helped Akbar the Great win the historic battle!

Not surprisingly, Gowariker got a call yesterday from the chief troublemaker of FHSBNUSCP.

Troublemaker: Mr Gowariker, I believe your film shows Purab Paschimdas in poor light?

Gowariker: Poor light? It’s quite possible if he was one of the 3000 extras standing very far from Hrithik Roshan.

Troublemaker: I am offended that you haven’t heard of Purab Paschimdas, who kept time during the Battle of Panipat. There was no Rolex or Omega in those days and it was left to that great man to tell the two rival armies when to start and stop fighting!

Gowariker: But there is no mention of him in any historical records! Nobody has spoken about him!

Troublemaker: How can anybody speak about him? He was a lonely man who blew his own trumpet! You’ve distorted history!

sureshnair2004@gmail.com