Column

Few people know that George Bush and Condoleezza Rice had an urgent meeting over the weekend to discuss India. “We must save India,” said Rice.

“From terrorists?” asked Bush.

“No,” said Rice. “From its own people!”

Bush was puzzled. “What do you mean, Condi?”

Rice explained, “I mean, what India’s enemies couldn’t do, an oil strike did! Brought the country to a standstill!” She also pointed out that the 26/11 terrorist strike and the oil strike both lasted almost three days!

Bush was aghast. “You mean, India’s enemies could be having a hearty laugh at how Indians are bringing their own country to its knees?”

“Besides there’s a warlike situation in India…”

“At the border, I guess?”

Rice shook her head. “No, all across the country. There’s a shortage of essential commodities, foodstuffs, grains… as it happens during a war! All thanks to a transport strike!

Bush wondered aloud, “What terrorism and recession can’t do, strikes will do for India! But why’d Indians harass their own people? I thought they’re a patriotic lot!”

“Oh, they’re very patriotic,” said Rice. “They crusade to rename flyovers or airports after historical figures and then damage the same when offended by a paragraph in a book or a scene in a film that portrays those figures in poor light! They even sing the national anthem in Mumbai’s multiplexes to reassert their patriotism!”

“Wow!” said Bush. “So where does India’s politicians figure in all this?”

“They don’t,” pointed out Rice. “There’s no record of politicians crusading against or condemning poor roads, illegal strikes that disrupt normal life or any issue that hurts the common man. They’re a very tolerant lot!”

“And what about the common man?”

“They are also very tolerant,” said Rice. “You could abruptly stop your car or motorcycle in the middle of a busy road to pick up a fight with an autorickshaw driver – and the dozen motorists stuck behind you would rather wait patiently, while you flex your muscles at some puny guy, instead of thrashing you for holding up the traffic!”
“And what about the government?” asked Bush.

“The government has a vocabulary of five words — “condemn”, “protest”, “appeal” and “look into” — which they use generously to tackle any situation!”

George Bush looked worried. “Get me the Indian Prime Minister on the phone!” Condoleezza Rice replied, “Too late, sir! Their telecommunications sector has gone on a strike! India has been cut off from the rest of the world!”