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This is getting scary. Idols have started drinking milk again! The sea has turned sweet! Karan Johar has become the new marriage counsellor! Of course, the melee over a matinee masala about marital mess doesn’t worry me as much as the sneaking suspicion that God is actually working these days for the milk co-operatives! In fact, I would like to pose a few questions to God over his attempts to drink milk through idols made of plaster of Paris! And that’s assuming he reads this column, which would be nothing short of a miracle!
For starters, why milk? Why not tea? Darjeeling, Earl Grey or Brooke Bond Red Label? I mean, wouldn’t it be a bigger ‘chamatkar’ if the idol you are feeding milk to suddenly opened its mouth, not for your offering of milk, but to say: “Can I have some tea now, please? Without milk! And just one spoon sugar!” Of course, that might cause a bit of tension in the house with your wife complaining that not only is she tired of making tea five times a day but now she also has to make one extra cup of tea for God!
But my next question is why does God resort to such small scale miracles to assert his presence in this world while there is no sign of Him during troubled times like floods and terrorist attacks? We’re a country of poor people reeling under natural calamities and manmade taxation who can barely afford milk! We need God to save us from ruthless terrorists and selfish politicians instead of adding to our ‘kharcha-paani’! Unless, of course, God is in a bigger financial crunch than Ram Gopal Varma and can’t really afford any larger-than-life divine display!
Thirdly, what’s the big deal about sweetening the Mahim creek? Is this an answer to someone’s prayer that if Pepsi and Coke get banned, there will still be sweet dark-coloured water available to drink in the form of Mahim Cola? Can we also expect a diet version of it for the fitness freaks - maybe at Versova beach?
All this is not to say that my faith in God has lessened in any way. However, I pray to Him to drill sense into those who can’t seem to draw the line between fact and fantasy. Please, God! Hurry up before someone mixes milk with Mahim Cola and offers you a Cola-shake!