Column

What a final we witnessed last Sunday! Two great champions dancing toe to toe for the Wimbledon crown. It took me 15 years back, when I lost an epic tennis match of my own, 16-18 in the third set to my wife’s…er mother. She was the unconquerable Federer and I was the unconquerable Nadal with a slightly cheaper vest and no Spanish accent whatsoever.

Sunday’s match unveiled a few truths. Firstly, since the last 107 ATP (Association of Tennis Professionals) finals have been contested by Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal, the ATP can save so much money by simply abolishing all the first few inconsequential rounds, and just cutting straight to the finals. The 126 extra players can be sent postage stamps and towels from the ongoing tournament with express instructions, ‘Please don’t waste all our time by turning up’, inscribed in Latin on the towel!

Of course, they may then go on to use that towel to wipe themselves or even wipe their near and dear ones. In short, the towels will be theirs for life, though the postage stamps should be returned as the whole world knows postage stamps are as rare to find as a Britney Spears with underwear.

Secondly, it’s becoming clearer that both Federer and Nadal will in all probability beat Sania Mirza occasionally even at tennis.

Thirdly, it’s about time Aamir Khan does a film on this great rivalry—the one between Federer, Nadal and Sania. And also being India’s acting beacon (a term never to be used again ever), he may choose to play any of the above.

Finally, those of you who keep on asking as to when we will have an Indian in the Wimbledon finals, please wake up again and smell the dosas. For the last 10 years we’ve had an Indian at not just Wimbledon but every Grand Slam final. His name is Vijay Amritraj.