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My wife is unimpressed with the Indian Space Research Organisation.

“Did you see the menu for their first manned space flight in 2015?” she asked, without looking up from the newspaper.

“It’s chappatis, chicken pulav, lemon rice, chicken masala and semolina kheer! What about some vegetarian items, like paneer tikka or hara-bhara kabab, and why not ras malai for dessert?”

I tried to point out that the menu was meant for a space trip and not a wedding. “I’m glad you aren’t going on that trip,” she said. “You’d have starved!”

At that precise moment, I chanced upon another headline that was in equal measure a profound question and delicious food for thought. “Is your spouse making you fat?” I read out aloud. It was a questionnaire with multiple choices which I quickly ticked and discovered the answer was a resounding “Yes!” Not surprisingly, my wife disagreed and asked pointedly, “How do I make you fat? I never force you!”

So true! But there is the subtle emotional blackmail! Like, on days we decide to eat out, my attempts to maintain a diet goes for a toss the moment she asks the question: “Will you share with me a…?” If I say no, she drops the idea with a sad expression and says, “I can’t eat it alone! I thought we’d share!”

So I throw up my hands and ask her to go ahead and order whatever she wants. “Only if you share,” she double-checks and turns to the waiter with a broad grin! The next day it’s the turn of my gym instructor to throw up his hands and wail, “What’s the point of working out if you can’t control your appetite?” I’ve only one answer to his question: “You get married and then we’ll talk!” I’d like to know how he tackles his wife at the dinner table when she points to a sabzi and says, ”Darling, help me finish this, na! It’s so little and I don’t want to stack it in the refrigerator!”

Interestingly, my fitness instructor says he’s no plans to get married. “Did you read about the study that says mental abilities of people begin to decline from the age of 27?” he asked. “That explains why most men get married in their late 20s and early 30s!”
Of course, I don’t agree with him! I quite enjoy being married – even if it means a six-pack is a distant dream!