Column

Tales from the Locker Room

I am Down Under. And by that I don’t mean my state of mind or financial situation. But let’s say that while the Aussies take on Dhoni’s Devils in India, I am checking out their country.

So here I am in a part of Australia where Salman Khan would be quite at home without his shirt. Within minutes of arriving in Gold Coast, I realised that I could actually save a lot of money on clothes if I ever decided to settle down in this beautiful seaside city.

After all, what better way to live life than just being able to walk barefoot down the street or into a store wearing nothing more than just your shorts.

The same goes for the women who make Mallika Sherawat look conservative.Either way, I can’t complain. Everyone in Gold Coast seems on a permanent holiday.

It’s hard to fathom when they work, considering you find muscular men and women with hourglass figures strut around the streets, relax at cafes and shop at convenience stores, looking as if they have just stepped off the beach or a swimming pool.

I can’t help but envy their quality of life and for a moment I even get inspired when an elderly taxi driver tells me about how he was a banker who came to the Gold Coast on a holiday and overnight decided to stay back.

As for me, I am ready to even deliver pizza for a living amidst these Baywatch babes and babus in a city where the biggest news on TV is about a bikini photo-shoot on the beach.

My only problem is the Aussie accent and how does one answer the standard Down Under question: “How’s it going, mate?” The first time I was asked this question on the street, I was walking with my hands in my trouser pockets and I thought the guy was being obscene. But I soon discovered that was how the Aussies greeted each other.

That apart, if you don’t catch the Aussie accent, you might take offence when someone asks you, “How are you to die?” before realising the guy has no intention to kill you but just wants to know how you’re today!

But I am not sure I can live anywhere in the world where the roads are too smooth, the air too fresh and the TV devoid of news about riots, lynch mobs and political instability.