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ShareThe Broacha family is stunned. Quite frankly they are both appalled and wide-eyed with astonishment, and this time it's not because I've decided to become a woman.
Strangely, that attempt didn't seem to surprise them as much. They are stunned by my twin records. Now don't get me wrong. Twin records are not twins in the absolute sense. They don't look exactly alike, or grow to the same height, or occasionally swap girls.
Okay, okay, so they might occasionally swap girls, but they are a different sort of twins, ...all the same, if you don't mind, kind sir...and please stop interrupting...
My records are difficult, may impossible to duplicate, so please don't even dream of attempting them, thank you. The first is an incredible one, untouched by any human form before. You see for this record, I have completed the fastest bath, shave, brush and change in a world record 2 minutes 07 seconds. The previous record holder was Alexander the Great, whose 2,300 year old record stood at 2 minutes 09 seconds.
However, keep in mind that he didn't have to share (being the king he didn't have to do anything which explained his reluctance to pursue a college degree at a prestigious university), though he did have to bathe his horse Bucephalus simultaneously.
My second record is no less impressive. On the last weekend I stayed awake for a record 39 and a half hours without sleeping. The last time I stayed awake for long was in 1984, when I did a then record of 29 hours 44 minutes, but that was only because my mom had threatened to take up modelling, and in fact both of us had to be subsequently heavily sedated, for obvious reasons.
This time I stayed awake because of a television show. Oddly though I wasn't watching the television show at the time. Lots of coffee combined later with pots of coffee helped me weather the storm.
So, there you have it. Twin records that will in all probability see out the end of time. Last till eternity. Forever and ever...or at least till next week.
