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Kantaben didn’t realise why her son Kamles took her to watch Dostana, a film about two men pretending to be gay and who’ve more scenes with each other than the heroine. Not surprisingly, she was shocked and started scolding her son. But Kamles was a smart kid. He knew how to break the big news to her slowly. He could have done it the hard way and reminded his mom about their dad who ran away with the cable operator when Kamles was just two years old! Last heard, the two men were living together and happily channel surfing…

“There’s a gay undertone to every movie,” Kamles told his mom.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Look at Devdas! He had a problem getting over Chandramukhi and getting on with Paro. I’m sure if there was a sequel, it would have shown the two women having an affair with each other because the guy they loved drunk himself to death. That sozzled idiot!”

“Hey, Bhagwan,” wailed Kantaben. “Maney chakkar awsey!”

“That’s nothing, mom,” continued Kamles. “Even Sholay had very gay undertones! Veeru and Jai were gay!”

“Su wat karey chhe?”

“Do you remember that song? Gay dosti hum nahin todenge!” Kamles rolled his eyes.

“Veeru and Jai were gay! So was Gabbar Singh. He took a fancy to Veeru and that’s why he made Basanti dance on broken glass pieces. So that she is out of action and he can have Veeru all to himself! As for the Thakur, he had no hands but a male servant who…”

“But why are you telling me all this?” asked Kantaben.

“Because,” Kamles deliberated, “I now know what Oscar Wilde meant when he said a man can be happy with a woman as long as he’s not in love with her!”

“Huh?”

“Oscar Wilde was gay!”

“But why are you telling me all this, dikra?”

“Because,” Kamles screamed, “I’m in love! With a guy!”

Kantaben was shocked. “Who is that guy?”

“Jaggu! He’s this gorgeous six foot tall, muscular boy who studies in my class. We plan to get married!”

“You both will live as husband and wife?” asked Kantaben, flabbergasted. “Who will be the husband? Who will be the wife?”

“Husband and wife is passé, mom,” said her son. “The term is spouse for life!”

Kantaben slapped her son hard. “But you couldn’t find a nice boy from our community for all this, murakh!”