Column

Bollywood is back with a bang and it’s business as usual! Even as a producer’s son got launched with all the usual hype and hoopla last Friday, the film fraternity got together in Macau over the weekend for yet another annual song-and-dance extravaganza disguised as an awards function.

It’s an amazing industry that thrives as much on hard work, professionalism and talent as it does on flattery, publicity and perceived stardom. The other day, a director who set out to make a modest Rs 3.5 crore film and decided on casting a one-film old model-turned-actor, almost fell off his chair when the actor’s secretary demanded a remuneration of Rs 55 lakh. “If I pay him Rs 55 lakh,” he told the secretary, “what do I pay the rest of the cast and how do I make a film in Rs 3.5 crore!” The frantic director called me up. “You must pay him Rs 55 lakh,” I said and then added, “but only after asking your hero to give it in writing that his presence in the film will guarantee a bumper opening at the multiplex on the day of its release!” Of course, I was kidding.

Casting is a pain in the neck for most directors who find themselves dealing with corporates or Hollywood studios, who only want to work with superstars, and finally ending up with actors who think they are superstars despite a resume of flops and indifferent performances but who’ll still bore the director with gyan on every aspect of film-making – shot taking, editing, background score – except on how they will contribute to the film with their acting.

That apart, the director has to also cope with in-house script reading committees of production houses, who will diagnose his script as if it’s a suspected swine flu patient. Sometimes, this can result in unintentional comedy. Like, a writer-director friend of mine submitted his script about a serial killer in a Mumbai local train to one such committee, which sent it back with a note: “This is a vampire film and we don’t make films of this genre!”

So, you see, there are a lot more exciting things happening in Bollywood than the media’s obsession with Saif and Kareena’s perpetual vacation. While some people dislike our film industry being called Bollywood, I like the irony that we’re still so different from Hollywood. I think we’ve more fun making films than them! Because we thrive in chaos!