Column

After Effects

Last week, a British Airways flight failed to take off from New Delhi for London when its pilot expressed his inability to fly complaining he did not getproper sleep as there was some disturbance in his hotel. It turned out that the disturbance was coming from the 29-inch TV in his room, which seemed to have the same show on every channel and no amount of fiddling with the remote control helped. The show in question was the Abhishek-Aishwarya wedding preparations! Or, as the groom calls it—My Big Fab Freak Wedding!

Television channels have gone berserk reporting every minute detail of the wedding between the former Miss World and the son of AB Corp chairman. So far we know more about the Abhiash wedding than any wedding in our own family—right from the mehendi from Rajasthan to every word on the six-page invitation card. In the days to come, the media might put together a select team of correspondents who will be trained as if they were part of the anti-terrorist squad on how to interrogate those not invited (“Vivek, where were you on the night of 20th April?”) and cultivate informers who will flood them with trivia about who ate what at the wedding or who spilled a drink on whom while dancing with the bride and groom. It’s all quite crazy, but chances are that some enthusiastic correspondent might jump at the mention of Akshay Tritiya and corner Akshay Kumar with a question on whether he actually had a secret fling with Ash. The reply could be a resounding slap from Twinkle Khanna, which might help the correspondent realise the true meaning of the words ‘reality bytes’.

The media blitz will certainly not end with the wedding. This ATS (Abhiash Tracking Squad) will also bring you ‘Breaking News’ on where the newly-weds went for their
honeymoon, a ‘live update’ on Ash’s first day in the Bachchan kitchen, ‘exclusive’ on the first dish she cooked for Abhishek as his wife and, of course, ‘special report’ on their first day of shooting as miya-biwi.

And in the spirit of one-upmanship and an eager display of foresight, the ATS will prop up obscure numerologists and astrologers in televsion studios to air free advice to Abhishek and Ash on when they should have their first baby and what they should call him or her.

So keep watching… Abhi dekhiye Ash ki taaza khabar!