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Tales from the locker room

Last Friday, the farewell party of MTV’s outgoing boss, Amit Jain was held. In order to avoid contributing Rs 51 towards the joint gift, my colleague Cyrus Sahukar and I accepted a gig in Bangalore. Sahukar, who is presently the ex-officio chairman of the CC of I (the Cheapo Club of India), was a very relieved man when he learnt that we had managed to escape the farewell party without contributing a paisa, once again.

Little did he know what was in store for him in Bangalore! Now, Bangalore or to give it it’s old name ‘The Garden City’or it’s present name ‘Haneefistan’ is famous for its collection of fancy hotels. We were put up in the fanciest one of all—The Leela, which isvery large. It covers roughly half the state of Karnataka where most guests are never seen again after they have checked in. In fact, the whole checking in process is scary. Four ladies, a navigator, and a dog guide accompany you from the reception to your room. This journey should be undertaken early in the morning so that you have a chance of reaching the room before nightfall.

My room was a little larger than the suburb of Goregaon. I begged the four ladies to stay with me. But they, misunderstood my motives, and instead called up my wife!

At night, after a 45 minute journey from my bathroom to my bed, I was woken up by a telephone call from Sahukar. The six-foot-three-inch strapping young man couldn’t sleep and was sweating profusely. His room, which was a little larger than Noida, was filled with people who, he swore were staring at him, every time he shut his eyes. Then he made a request, which no grown-up man should ever ask of another— ‘Can you please come and sleep in my room?’

I explained the futility of trying to travel from one room to another without an automobile. So we did the next best thing-we kept talking on the phone all night long.

Presently, we’ve both resigned from the Cheapo’s Club of India, and are working on a nice gift for our ex-boss Mr Amit Jain.