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After Effects

“Here’s a fact,” I told my wife. “Men not only have more blood than women but their blood is also richer in red cells!” Energised by last week’s International Women’s Day, my wife lashed out. “How does that help?” she asked. “After all, it was largely male-dominated protests and vandalism that shut down the shooting of Deepa Mehta’s ‘Water.’

But she still proved that the world is round by making the film in Sri Lanka with a Canadian funding, won an Oscar nomination in Bush country, and triumphantly released it in the country that tried to crush her creative spirit! In other words, she simply proved that sometimes ‘Water’ can be thicker than blood!”

I was nishabd for a moment. “Does that mean Indian men are all gas?” I wondered aloud. To which my wife pointed out that Shekhar Kapur has been talking ‘Paani’ for five years with not a cinematic drop in sight! “While many pompous Bollywood boy wonders keep threatening the world with crossover cinema,” she continued, “Mira Nair quietly achieved it with ‘The Namesake.’

Despite Bollywood’s heroes charging crores for their worldwide box office appeal, it’s the heroines who are actually making their presence felt on the international stage. Shilpa Shetty is UK’s new mascot!”

I argued that was largely because none of the other contestants in ‘Big Brother’ had the glamour and face value to be a winner! “Look at Jade Goody,” I said. “I doubt if Big Brother would even want her to tie him a rakhi on Raksha Bandhan!”

My wife glared at me and said, “That’s mean, you MCP! But it’s Mallika Sherawat who’s gone from a film with Jackie Chan to a film by Clint Eastwood’s assistant. And Aishwarya Rai was Will Smith’s initial choice for a co-star in ‘Hitch’ before Eva Mendes!”

I felt like an opponent of Mike Tyson, going down and fearing his ear would get bitten off anytime soon. “The only Indian tennis player in the world’s Top 50 is Sania Mirza,” she said. “And women writers have won the Booker Prize for India more times than men — Arundhati Roy, Kiran Desai…”

My wife, sensing victory, went for the knockout punch. “And the most famous dacoit to come out of Chambal Valley was a woman – Phoolan Devi! There’s only Bandit Queen, no Bandit King… Now go and make dinner!”

But, as always, I had the last word. “Yes, dear!”