Column

Nandan Nilekani is wasting his time, says my wife. The former Infosys chief is busy creating a unique identification number for every Indian. The unique feature of this Nilekani brainchild is that our number will only make sense if it’s matched with our eyes and fingerprints — unlike our name which doesn’t necessarily have to match our face. Nilekani aims to give us a unique ID number by February 2011. “Why bother?” asks my wife. “The world is going to end in 2012!”

My wife is no astrologer. But lately she seems to be obsessed with this doomsday prediction. “Do you know the Mayan Long Calendar ends on December 2012?” she asks. It doesn’t really bother me because I don’t consult the Mayan Long Calendar. I prefer the complimentary calendar from Bank of Baroda hanging on my bedroom wall. That apart, I really don’t have any long term goals in life — except losing two more kilos and getting a six-pack before I’m too old.

However, by the end of this week, we’re going to hear a lot about Year 2012, not because people suddenly have a foresight but thanks to Roland Emmerich unleashing a movie which shows natural calamities destroying the world — like a giant wave dropping an aircraft carrier on the White House. I don’t think Emmerich made this movie out of any serious concern about the ancient doomsday prophecy, considering he’s a celluloid sadist who’s been consistently destroying big cities and famous monuments of the world and indulging our guilty pleasure with movies like Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow.

But what if the world is really going to end in 2012? Well, we can all stop working hard and take a long holiday. It means the Congress doesn’t have to worry about winning the next election, the BJP can stop introspection and the rest can stop wasting their time and ours agitating over shop signboards, movie dialogues and patriotic songs.

In fact, 2012 is also being blamed for our loss against Australia in the ODI at Hyderabad despite Sachin Tendulkar’s valiant knock of 175. “Why waste time and energy with this pointless running between wickets,” Dhoni reportedly asked Yuvraj, “when we’ve only two years left of partying, product endorsements and dating Bollywood starlets?”

My mother is least bothered about the world ending in 2012. She’s more worried about how she’ll make sambar today if tur dal costs Rs 116 per kg!