To Indian men on behalf of Sunny Leone

I’m very conflicted as I write this because India has enough of a problem with men taking it upon themselves to speak on behalf of women. With due apologies to the fabulous Karanjit Kaur Vora aka Sunny Leone who doesn’t need anyone’s help, I apologise for taking the liberty to speak to men on her behalf and promise never to repeat this act again. To people at large, this is not a part of the Ragini MMS 2 promotional campaign though I realise this might get published the day the film releases. I have contacted my management to send a copy of this to Balaji and hope to receive a cheque in the mail soon.

Dear Indian men,
I get it. You’ve seen her naked. She did a bunch of adult movies that made you pleasure yourself for a few seconds. She’s also of Indian descent that makes her oh-so-bad and a violator of all the cultural values you grew up with. For the love of God, enough with the dumbass attachment of winks and smileys with their tongue out at the end of every Sunny Leone reference. Just because you’ve seen her naked doesn’t mean when you throng a mall to see her she’s going to take her clothes off and start humping whoever is standing in front of her. Having done adult films doesn’t mean that’s all you think about and live for. If you’re a journalist, every interview doesn’t have to be prefixed with former porn star.

I’m sure if she gets to meet the Prime Minister your headlines would say,  ‘HOW CAN THE PRIME MINISTER SHAKE HANDS WITH A PORN STAR EWWW SHE HAS GERMS’. People who’ve done adult films don’t live in a vacuum in some outer realm of the universe that can only be contacted through your cellphone and incognito windows. I know that’s what you thought because when else have you ever come face-to-face with someone who you’ve looked at late at night when your parents have gone to sleep? They’re real people. I know if you see her in real life all your brain is thinking is ‘naked naked naked naked naked naked naked’ but get a hold of yourself. It’s a profession like any other. Just because you work for India TV doesn’t mean my brain goes ‘dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass dumbass’. Okay I was lying.

Maybe you hate her guts. Maybe you have issues with her expressing her sexuality. Maybe you think item songs that corrupt young people’s brains should only be done by Indians instead of being outsourced to white people. Maybe you’re annoyed that her nickname is the same as your favourite cousin Sunny. Whatever it may be, come to terms with the fact that she did a bunch of adult movies and might even if she feels like it in the future. She’s a regular person who is now a part of Bollywood and you’re going to be seeing a lot more of her in the future. Deal with it.