Shirishly Speaking: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle who answers all your queries

'I’m attracted to my husband’s secretary!'

Dear Shirish,
My husband spends all day travelling and his really attractive secretary accompanies him everywhere. The problem is, while I love my husband, I am also attracted to his secretary. She’s a stunner. Should I also travel with them?

Richa

Dear Richa,
That’s the spirit — to turn adversity into opportunity. No harm in trying. And if it works, you can be the brand ambassador of uberPOOL.

'No spark with wife, but with colleague'

Dear Shirish,
I had a love marriage three years ago, but there is no spark between my wife and me anymore. Now, there is a spark between me and a girl in my office, with who I have fallen in love with. She makes me want to wake up in the morning, I love going to work and I feel alive and young. I want to divorce my wife and marry this girl. But the problem is that my wife loves me a lot. How do I tell her?

Anwar

Dear Anwar,
The most important question to ask yourself is — you want a wife or lighter? Your wife is not a lighter to dump and get a new one just because there’s no “spark” anymore. Most people don’t even dump their lighter; they refill the gas. And you’re talking about your wife! Remember, after some time, the “spark” will fizzle off with this girl too. No matter how pretty a girl you get, the “spark” WILL fizzle off with time. So instead of divorcing your wife, try refilling the gas. Not literally, that might kill her. Try having kids or do whatever else that lights your “spark”.

‘Fast’, said Guruji, but not getting a groom fast'

Dear Shirish,
I’m a 30 year old girl, somewhat on the heavier side. I’m very tense because I’m still unmarried. All my cousins and friends who are my age got married around five years ago. My parents have sent my photographs everywhere but there is no response from prospective suitors. I went to a Guruji and he said that if I fast every Monday, I will get a good husband. Forget getting a good husband, no one has even come to see me. When will I get married?

Jaya

Dear Jaya,

1. I’m disappointed you chose the Guruji over me as your first option for advice.
    
2. I’m not Bejan Daruwalla to predict when you will get married.
    
3. Instead of the Guruji, if you had followed a dietician’s advise on fasting, you would have had a better chance.

'My boyfriend is too ‘close’ to his mom!'

Dear Shirish,
My boyfriend has always told me that he is very close to his mother, ever since his dad passed away. It’s when we became serious that he took me to meet her. I have always known they are close, but even I, who is quite liberal and modern, was taken by surprise at their proximity. She was constantly holding his hand and kept ruffling his hair. I might be reading too much into this and I really love him a lot, but this is something I can’t deal with.

Confused

Dear Confused,
If you can’t deal with a mother holding her son’s hand and ruffling his hair, please leave the poor guy alone and find a mother with a hands-free son.