DNA Celebrity Column | Shirishly Speaking: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming

What is landline number? Nobody knows...

Dear Shirish,
In our times, we would remember the phone numbers of all our friends, relatives and neighbours effortlessly. But the kids of this generation cannot even remember the phone number of their own residence. They have to redial home from the contacts. God forbid, they ever lose their phone, they won’t even be able to call back home. I don’t think they are incapable, they are just not used to exercising their memory. I’m really concerned. What will happen to these kids when they grow up?
- Concerned Parent

Dear Concerned Parent,
They won’t even be able to reach back home without GPS.

Ek profile pic, do ladkiyaan. Meri wali kaunsi hai?

Dear Shirish,
I’ve been in love with a girl I met on Facebook for two years now. We chat everyday for three hours and I feel we really connect. There’s just one problem. There are two girls on her profile pic and I don’t which one is my girl. In fact, there’s no solo pic on her account. All her pics have these two girls. One is pretty and one is not. I really hope mine is the pretty one. But I can’t ask now as it may sound rude to ask after telling her I love you and all. Any way to find out without asking?
- Facebook Lover

Dear Facebook Lover,
When there are two people on a profile pic, it’s never the pretty one.

How to get my tyrant kids to toe the line?

Dear Shirish,
My kids do not listen to me anymore. They have become obnoxious tyrants who do their own thing. Your kids seem very well-behaved. How can I get my tyrant kids to obey my orders?
- Harrassed Parent

Dear Harrassed Parent,
When you want your kids to do something, tell them not to do it.

Wanted: Party dance teacher

Dear Shirish,
I have tried a few dance classes. But they all teach formal dancing, which is so boring, and of no use to me. I want to learn party dancing. Can you please tell me who is the best dance teacher in Mumbai for party dancing?
- Piyush

Dear Piyush,
Alcohol.

Why is my doggie so depressed?

Dear Shirish,
We recently adopted a dog. When we first saw the puppy, it was very lively and naughty. But ever since we brought it home, it always looks depressed. We have made the best kennel for it, bought the most expensive bed, and also feed the same food that we eat. My friends suggest that the dog may be depressed because we feed it vegetarian food. I don’t think so, since we provide really nutritious food. But do you think that can be the reason for our dog’s depression?
-Ami

Dear Ami,
No life is worse than that of a dog in a vegetarian household. Of course, with time, it may get used to it. But will never really be happy. So I suggest, please stop behaving like the government, and don’t stop others from eating what they love, just because you don’t eat it.