Desi vampire facts

Not so long ago, someone in Bollywood got so inspired by the movie Twilight that he briefly toyed with the idea of making an Indian vampire film — Hrithik Roshan as a vampire who is in a dilemma over whether to romance Katrina Kaif or drink her blood. Imagine a romantic duet in an exotic location, where he takes her in his arms and as she rests her head against his chest, he’ll bare his fangs and fight the urge to sink them into her neck. Picture abhi baaki hai, dost!

Vampires are taking over Hollywood — through movies, books and TV shows. But, in all fairness, it was our beloved Dharmendra who arguably introduced the concept of a vampire hero long before it became fashionable in Hollywood. And he did it by spitting out that immortal line that has since entered movie lore: “Kutte! Kaminey! Main tera khoon pee jaoonga!”

These days vampires are hugely in demand across the world — especially with young girls who seem to fancy the idea of falling in love with a guy who’s likely to ask them, “Hi, what’s your blood group?” While I must admit to not being a big fan of the vampire genre, I’m slowly discovering why women are drawn to vampires.

If you go by the old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, then how hard is it to keep happy a guy whose staple diet is blood? After all, the least you’ve to do is surprise him occasionally at dinner by serving a different or rare blood group.

The other good thing about vampires is that they apparently don’t cast shadows, which is good news for fiercely independent women who don’t like the idea of being in their husband’s shadow. But best of all is the fact that vampires sleep without breathing and have no pulse. It might sound creepy to some of you but ask any woman with a husband who snores like a tractor at work.

Interestingly, Barack Obama also reads Stephanie Meyer’s vampire fiction, which probably explains his foreign policy — woo China, arm Pakistan, bleed India. But the US president seems to have done far lesser harm to us than some of our own netas who seem inspired by vampires in the manner they have been bleeding the country dry through blatant corruption and silly controversies over issues that make even a four-year-old boy look more mature.