CELEBRITY COLUMN: Shirish Kunder is the agony uncle you never saw coming

Tell on my husband’s drug peddler friend?

Dear Shirish,
My husband has recently made some new friends amongst which is a drug peddler. Since then, he has started doing drugs. I tried to stop him but he justifies by saying that he’s getting it for free. I know that’s how it all starts – first they give it for free until you’re addicted. My husband refuses to understand any logical explanation and now has started getting aggressive. I can see that he’s already getting addicted. Maybe he’s also paying for it now. I’ve managed to get the drug peddler’s number from his phone. Should I threaten him that I’ll complain about his drug peddler friend to the police?
— Simran

Dear Simran,
Never threaten to send anyone’s drug peddler to jail. See what happened to AAP in Punjab elections. Don’t threaten; just do it without warning.

Kiss ka kissa

Dear Shirish,
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for three years now, but we haven’t kissed yet. All my friends tell me that she’s fooling me and using me just for all the expensive gifts I buy for her. So just to make sure, I asked her if I could kiss her once. She said I could kiss her only after marriage. Is this normal?
— Sachin

Dear Sachin,
This is absolutely normal — in primary school. Which class are you in?

My beti caught me being a Twitter abuser

Dear Shirish,
I hate your tweets but love your column in After Hrs. I have a problem. I love my country and so, abuse anyone who speaks against it on Twitter. But recently, my daughter saw them on my phone. I told her I’m doing something good for the country and I’m proud of it. So she asked me – If I’m so proud of what I’m doing, then why am I doing it under a fake account. I have no answer for that. Care to help?
— Nationalist

Dear Nationalist,
Tell her you’re a superhero like Batman and Spiderman, so have to protect your true identity. If she doesn’t believe you, just abuse her like you do to the others and show your superpowers.

ROTFLMAO!

Dear Shirish,
I just read your last week’s column. Bu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
— Manjeet

Dear Manjeet,
I know it was very funny but still this is a lot of ha-ha-has. Guess you read it after having bhaang this Holi.