Celebrity column: Scalars and vectors... and actors, writes Ayushmann Khurrana

May 1 is a special day. On this day, in 1939, Batman comics started selling on the streets. The 1940 Olympics were cancelled. In 1950, the New Marriage Law was passed in China. And in 2006, I was forced to move out of the comforts of Chandigarh.

Rebellious acting aspirants walk out of their homes to try their luck in Mumbai of their own accord. I, on the other hand, was made to walk out at the tender age of 22. My over-supportive father got my bags packed and got my flight tickets booked.

As an astrologer, he thought that the period was auspicious. Actually, no. He thought there was no wrong time to do the right thing. Maybe, he was right. I was just too laidback. He has always kicked my butt since childhood. It’s embarrassing to confess that he still does.

“I’m a little over 5’9. And I’ve done theatre for five years. My left profile, Sir. Now, right profile. This is the better one because of the dimples. And don’t worry, my talent is denser than my eyebrows.” These are lines I once muttered in front of a guy who had taken my audition in 2006. He was certainly impressed.

There was a certain energy in the air in the Mumbai of that time. The odd fragrance of fish in the air of Versova, the whites in the waves of the brown, silty waters of Juhu beach, the unruly traffic of Milan Subway honked in my ears that I’ll survive in this City of Dreams.

I always knew I would survive, but was always unsure about how well I would do. As unsure as the next station on the Harbour line. But I never go with the flow. I love altering the course like a stubborn perennial river. My intelligence makes me a pessimist, but I’m also an optimist because of my will. They say it’s all about being at the right place at the right time. That’s what Shah Rukh Khan says. That’s what the book Outliers says.

The outsiders are fortunate to be a part of this era. It’s open to all. This world is more accepting now. The strugglers of this era don’t stand hopelessly in front of big production houses. Casting has become streamlined. You mostly get what you deserve. At least the probability is higher. We are the chosen ones. But at the same time, there are far too many people who want to become actors. It seems like acting is everybody’s favourite second job. It is such a subjective art. There are no rules to it. They think it’s just so easy. Really? Not!

“Acting is a very personal process. It has to do with expressing your own personality, and developing the character you’re playing through your own experience — so we are all different.” — Ian McKellen

We actors are all messed up to a certain extent. We all are so used to crying, laughing, emoting on cue. We press our emotional buttons far too often, day in and day out, during morning and night shifts.

Are we really emotional in real lives? How do we react to real life setbacks? What if your spouse finds a disconnect and considers you to be too weird for the real world? That’s bound to happen if you are too used to crying without glycerine imagining your near one to be on death bed before the director yells action.

That disconnect is bound to happen if you’re too used to kissing on screen sans real emotions. An actor requires that mental and emotional tuning everyday. Are we really actors or master fakers? I’m glad men can’t fake orgasms. In bed, they have no choice but to be real.

Women are gifted in this space. Does that mean they’re better actors? May be. Better humans? For sure.

For once let me emulate a woman and become a better person. Being supportive of her husband/boyfriend is such a stereotypical expectation from a woman. That’s what Abhimanyu Roy is to Bindu in Meri Pyaari Bindu. Let me be a perfect girlfriend or a perfect wife and be a pleaser in life and in bed. That’s why Abhi is so adorable in the new song Afeemi.

Let’s go for this role-reversal. I don’t know when I switched from acting to feminism in this write-up. “Perhaps I’m not a good actor. But I would be even worse at doing anything else.” That ‘anything’ is certainly writing.