Celebrity column: Blind promotions, writes Ayushmann Khurrana

My Twitter account has become too monotonous and predictable, of late. I blame it on my film promotions. The handle @ayushmannk looks selfish, craving for attention, asking people to look out for the fresh songs of my film, nostalgia-laden trailers/chapters, my interviews, my latest magazine cover shoot where I appear sans shirt with a flat tummy. How sexy do I look even without a fixed diet plan? But there seems to be an unfixed plan of blindly tweeting articles related to my films. And that’s being too pompous. Every morning under the shower I scream out loud, get over yourself, chill, the film will do fine irrespective of your multiple retweets. It’s better to give multiple orgasms to your partner.

I miss my old self. I don’t like my timeline these days. It reeks of a typical film star’s arrogance. I only tweet about myself these days. And that’s highly unfortunate. My Twitter handle, in general, dawdles between poetry, sports and music. It has a clean unadulterated character. I have interesting hashtags like #AyushmannMusicRecco in which I introduce eclectic music to my followers. #JamWithAyushmann is like a jam in session with interesting musicians. I’ve stopped doing these things because of my film release.

In my last column, I neatly plugged my release and that didn’t go down well with my mentor Shoojit Sircar. His words were, “I was expecting a profound one, it was like almost profound, but by the time I reached the last para, I realised you were selling your film... a good write-up doesn’t sell anything... this one does.. may be next time you won’t.” This really made me think and ponder: Why am I doing this? I have got this opportunity to express myself. And I should better keep it pure.

“Be pure in your thoughts, be sincere in your feelings. You will not run after happiness. The happiness will run after you.” And I’m so middle-class that I like using quotes. But that is cool I guess. And to be middle-class is awesome. But the question is: Is Twitter really a cool toy for people with multiple followers? Is it like an ego massager for the celebs? A common man can either be a troll or a docile follower.

And the word ‘follower’ is just so condescending. It defies the basic need for equality. Self-centered indulgence, pride and lack of shame over arrogance are the new emblems of the twitter world. Our online self is the real self. That’s what we are inside.

Society has turned over a new leaf. In this day and age, your Twitter count or a verified badge is a status symbol. It’s so fickle. This is all transient. One day, Twitter will become as redundant and dated as Orkut and my 3.5 million followers will have no value just like roubles of the erstwhile Soviet Union.