Badrinath Ki Dulhania: Dear Karan, it's really not not okay for a man to harass a woman

Dear Karan,

Congratulations! As you make your advent into the unchartered territory of fatherhood and take up the most challenging responsibility there ever is — that of raising a daughter — here are a few thoughts. I am sure you will get enough advice from those who love you, but love is blind and I am afraid what you need the most right now is an objective lens. I am basing a lot of what follows in the assumption that you believe in your movies and you are aware of the power of films as a medium to influence and inspire minds and hearts. If not, and if movie-making, is only a money-making gig for you, read no further; and please accept my humblest apologies for wasting your time thus far. But if yes — and I think it is yes because a part of me still wants to acknowledge the abundance of creativity and hard work that you put into every film you produce and direct — then do read on.

Last night, my flat mate and I drove at 10.30 pm to a cinema hall in Gurgaon to watch Badrinath ki Dulhania. Some would call that foolhardy, only because the safety statistics in India are far below desirable, but we are lucky to be a part of a small minority of independent, financially sufficient, empowered girls who try to walk the talk when it comes to feminism in our daily lives. What we were looking for was a romantic, breezy, if somewhat silly and cheesy, movie much like many others you have given your name to; only to be shell-shocked by one the most regressive portrayals of gender sensibilities on celluloid. Firstly, the most glaring statement is the continued valorization of stalking, harassment and physical abuse, in the well-worn guise of a well-intentioned guy whose actions are justified by the blanket act of him being in love.

I know this has been said a thousand times, but it is really not okay for a man to harass a woman, even if he loves her. Secondly, the way the inequality between the male and female leads are exploited to engineer love is appalling. He is not just the 'stronger sex' who can abduct her, but his obvious social capital and economic affluence enables him to pursue her, pay off her sister's dowry, and take advantage of her difficult socio-economic and emotional circumstances. What kind of love is this, really?

Further, while I must give your scriptwriters credit for the male lead's outburst at his father, decrying his patriarchal notions in 2017, it comes too late and feels too less. Besides, what it ends in is a grown ass adult sobbing into his dad's shoulder and unable to come to terms with rejection. It feels quite forced, then, when honour killings are followed on by happy endings where the women miraculously gain economic agency. It is simply ridiculous. I do not want to turn this into a rant, so I would like to simply request you to put more thought into scripts which explore social indignities, make them more sensitive and nuanced and not allow gender sensibilities to be manipulated for some 100 crores.

Cinema is a form of art. You exercise disproportionate control over the minds of those millions of movie goers who spend more than they can afford for a few hours of unbridled entertainment. You may not be aware of the impact you create in their minds; it may be subtle but it's a slow form of fascism.

Let me use a cliché: With great power, comes great responsibility. If you do not want to be a flag bearer of social awareness, please do not choose these issues and delegitimise the actual struggle that people undergo to fight these. Stick to guys landing from helicopters to meet their moms, or college girls singing Geri Halliwell. That way, we might not thank you for enriching our lives but we'd be more than happy paying for a movie ticket.

Bio: Niloufer Memon is a strategy consultant at a global social impact firm in New Delhi. She works across social expertise areas including gender, global health and financial inclusion.