I was having dinner with a few friends last night and there was a huge bunch of women sitting at the table behind us. The noise was truly deafening. My friend's husband couldn't really bear it and exclaimed 'What the hell do women talk about all the time?'
1. Weight: Women are obsessed with their weight. Every lunch that I have with my girlfriends invariably starts with each one of us moaning about the two or four or six kilos that we have each been trying to lose ever since we discovered the weighing scale.
I have coffee sometimes with another friend, who once narrated an entire 30 minute story about how she lost (wait for this) 1 kilo, and then her aunt died. She was upset and emotionally ate too much and thus gained the momentous 1 kilo back. I still don't know the aunt's name or what she died of, since that was not the point of her story, but I do know that my friend ate a family pack of Baskin-Robbins peanut butter and chocolate ice cream.
2. Handbags: Originally meant to be a sack to lug stuff around that you may need, the handbag has now reached another level. If you are having lunch with two girlfriends then there have to be four chairs; three to accommodate breathing, warm blooded creatures and one solely for the handbags. We will talk about our bags, discuss the next one we are waiting to acquire, frantically message our friends for advice before embarking on the 'choosing the right bag project' and generally worship this leather god of silly things.
3. Gossip: Yes, I admit it,we do gossip, but I feel most women gossip harmlessly. They will giggle a little at the antics of other people, but men are the more vicious ones when they really get down to it. I was getting a haircut recently at the salon and right beside me was a chubby man. I really didn't pay much attention till he started gossiping with the hairstylist and I was aghast. Every person (and I knew quite a few of them) was ripped apart so viciously that even to hear it made me physically sick. So, yes we gossip, but at least all the women I know would draw the line at anything coming close to such malice.
4. Mothers-in -law: Most women will talk about their mothers-in-law. Sometimes they will say a few good things and more often mention how she is a real demon. I feel mothers-in -law get a raw deal. They have spent years raising these little boys into men; knowing how taxing it is to deal with these same men even for the short while that we have known them, can you really blame her for becoming slightly loony? Give the woman a break.
5. Other women: Every woman's favorite topic - other women. It's very rare that a bunch of girls sitting together will not discuss a bunch of other girls. These women are dissected thoroughly and after critiquing their morals, their lack of style, their messed up relationships; the conversation will invariably end with ' but you know she's quite sweet '.
6. Men: The various significant others are discussed in depth. What he said, why he said it and five versions of what he actually meant. All the ex-boyfriends are discussed ever so often and are of course branded as total losers because they are obviously leading a miserable existence without our amazing presence in their life. There is no proof required for these statements and any evidence to the contrary, that these men are happily married now, have adorable children or great careers, is absolutely discarded.
I am certain that all this talking does us a lot of good. We share everything with our friends and family and that makes all our big, small and sometimes imaginary burdens dissipate.
I think this is the secret to our statistically proven longer life spans as compared to men though I am beginning to think that it's not due to our stress levels being lower because we express ourselves all the time; its perhaps the men trying to die earlier just to escape from the incessant chatter.